Diplomacy

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Your hate will make you strong...

A wonderful/horrific board game that people mistake for Risk, despite the absence of dice and cards.

When elegan/tg/entlemen tell you this game destroys friendships, they are not exaggerating.

Developed by Alan B. Callahamer, the game takes place on the eve of WWI, and seven players assume the roles of the seven Great Powers (Russia, Great Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Austria-Hungary and the Ottoman Empire) as war breaks out all over Europe. Unlike most board games, turns are played simultaneously with each player writing down his moves for a judge to read. This means you only find out if someone breaks a promise when it's too late... especially if they flank the same armies they promised to support like that one time when James was playing Italy and I helped him against Austria but when I needed him with me against France the motherfucker took my supply depot in Munich just before the winter and I will never trust that shitsucker again!!!

Gameplay

Military action is diceless, requiring simply that one side outnumbers the other side with defender winning ties. This would result in constant stalemates, but forces can have orders to "support" other forces, increasing their strength. Naval units can support forces on the coast, or convoy armies across the seas. Everyone starts with 2 armies and 1 fleet except for Britain, who starts with 2 fleets and 1 army, and Russia, who starts with 2 of each, so you will still need to ask for help in your aggressive manoeuvres, which means asstards like James will help you out until it turns out he likes it up the ass from France so he stabs you in the back.

Trivia

• One published version of the game actually used cannons and battleships from Monopoly, which is probably the best fate those little tin figures could have hoped for.

• Tzneetch once proposed a game of this instead of the weekly hyper-poker game. Unfortunately, like most other elegan/tg/entlemen that try playing the game, he needed a few more people than the typical crew of the Deceiver, Cegorach, and ol' ol' Empy, so Tzneetch had to break out the meatbread and invite a few more deities to the pocket dimension. The player/country breakdown was thus:
  • England: The Deciever
  • France: Tzneetch
  • Germany: The Horned Rat (pulled straight from Fantasy)
  • Italy: Cegorach
  • Austria: The Emperor
  • Russia: Gork (Mork?)
  • Turkey: Mork (Gork?)

Despite negotiations, not a single player could trust the other for an instant, and things immediately went to hell when the Horned Rat started attacking the Emprah out of pure instinct (KILL KILL THE MANTHING!). Cegorach just fucking laughed as Gork and Mork pulled a proper Juggernaut and proceeded to steamroll everybody, kicking everyone out of the game and ending in a 17/17 draw between themselves. Tzneetch has never offered to play out the game again from sheer embarrassment.

Variants

Because of the simplicity of the rules, there are a massive number of diplomacy variants written that were then shared through the various fanzines. Some of these have even been commercially sold, such as the Colonial variant, which uses a map of Asia and the Great Powers competing there.

• Relevant to fat/tg/uys, there is a Warhammer Fantasy Battles variant that uses the map of the Warhammer World. Among a few rule changes to make sure the factions are balanced, the biggest change is that you can contest a retreat by playing a game of Warhammer or Warmaster.

Gallery

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  Xbox hueg map

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  Warhammer map.

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  Warhammer map with detail of "Europe"