Dark Angels

On the left: Dark Angel trooper in the glory days of the Legiones Astartes

The Dark Angels was the first Space Marine Legion to be formed by the Emprah. Their Primarch was Lion El'Johnson. As a result, the Dark Angels are totally gay, their Primarch happening to apparently be named after a homosexual poet. Funnily enough Jonson had written a poem called "The Dark Angel". Another redeeming fact would be he might've dated Oscar Wilde.

The original Dark Angels had black armour, back in the days of the Corvus pattern helmets. Modern Dark Angels instead use a dark green colour, except for the Deathwing company, which is composed entirely of bone-white Terminators. They were introduced in the Deathwing expansion to 1st edition Space Hulk with a spiffy background story by Bill King.

They also seem to enjoy using robes and capes and such on the field of battle, and it looks pretty awesome.

Over a 100 years ago, some planetary ruler insulted Leman Russ and he got all pissy about it. Then Lion ended up killing the leader and Leman was like "Whatchu do that fo' fool?" because he wanted to take the bitch-ass out. And Lion was like "fuck off, furry," despite his furtastic name and his dickish kill-stealing. Leman, never being good with words, reason, or sobriety, megaton punched the Lion. The two of them fought for a day or two, an epic struggle between cool-headed tactician and hot-blooded barbarian, douchebag and bro-tard. Then Leman said this was stupid, and Lion knocked him out.

In true anime fashion, the two eventually became best buds and treated it as water under the bridge, but their respective chapters carry on the friendly rivalry, a pair of champions engaging in sacred and non-fatal honor duels whenever the Dark Angels and Space Wolves meet. And a couple of lightyears away, the Tyranids eat a planet while two of the most important Space Marine chapters waste time on this Nerf chainsword duel honour bullshit.

They have apparently also become the love-chapter of some of GWs writers, scince they now have the best motorcycle squads around (yes, apparently even better than the White Scars), the last jetbike in the Imperium, and servant aliens.

History of the Dark Angels

Luther, the Clint Eastwood of the 31st millennium

Due to a slight mutation in their geneseed, the Dark Angels had a slight predisposition to be emo, but other than that, they were cool. They killed lots of Orks and other xeno scum for great justice and were the most successful Legion during the early years of the great crusade, though their critics pointed out that the Dark Angels, being the First Legion, got a head start.

(Note: they might have been the 1st Legion, but Horus Lupercal was the first Primarch to be discovered, and as such he got a head start, not them; his Legion was also the most successful one, hence he was appointed Warmaster and not Jonson.)

During the Horus Heresy Lion'El Johnson rushed to come to the aid of the emperor, fighting his way through the Night Lords and traitor guard to reach Terra. He didn't make it in time, and shockingly returned home to Caliban only to find that his closest friend Luther had turned to Chaos, converting the garrison force with him EVERYTHING WAS A-OK. Lion'El fought his way into his own fortress KICKED BACK and dueled Luther for the fate of the legion HAD SOME BREWSKIS. When daybreak came Caliban was nothing more than an asteroid field, a result of the Dark Angels loyalists bombarding their own planet so mercilessly SOMEBODY LEAVING THE GAS ON IN THE FORTRESS MONASTERY. When Dark Angel forces reclaimed the void shielded remnants of their headquarters Luther was a gibbering wreck, and Johnson was nowhere to be found LION'EL WENT OUT FOR SOME SMOKES HE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE. Oh, and the traitors LOYAL. TOTALLY LOYAL AND NOT ACTUALLY TRAITORS Dark Angels painted their armor green. This rather stressing turn of events caused one Dark Angel to comment, "I hate Mondays."

Ever since that fateful day ten thousand years ago, the Dark Angels have striven to prove to the Emprah and their Primarch that they are still cool guys to hang around with, despite their earlier Heresy ABSOLUTE LOYALTY. Therefore, they have acquired toys like plasma cannon jetbikes, Terminators that count as scoring units, and a mini-Gitmo in an asteroid to torture the Fallen, in order to prove that they are still made of awesome sauce and epic win, and to attempt to disprove the rumour that that they are flaming homosexuals, however, having xeno pokémons instead of servitors make a probe they are still being extremely homo. (Interesting Fact: The little Xenos are the souls of the Exorcised Fallen who have been forced to serve the Loyalists.) (Another Interesting Fact: LION'EL JONSON IS STILL ALIVE. AND ON THE ROCK. HE'S IN THE CELL NEXT TO LUTHER!!)

See Also

• Tactics/Dark Angels