Dark Angels

On the left: Dark Angel trooper in the glory days of the Legiones Astartes

The Dark Angels was the first Space Marine Legion to be formed by the Emprah. Their Primarch was Lion El'Jonson. As a result, the Dark Angels are totally ####, their Primarch happening to apparently be named after a homosexual poet. Funnily enough Jonson had written a poem called "The Dark Angel". Another redeeming fact would be he might've dated Oscar Wilde.

The original Dark Angels had black armour, back in the days of the Corvus pattern helmets. Modern Dark Angels instead use a dark green colour, except for the Deathwing company, which is composed entirely of bone-white Terminators. They were introduced in the Deathwing expansion to 1st edition Space Hulk with a spiffy background story by Bill King.

They also seem to enjoy using robes and capes and such on the field of battle, and it looks pretty awesome.

It is a well known fact that Leman Russ punched out Lion El'Johnson because the dishonorable coward stole His kill. (Correction: Some Planetary ruler had insulted Leman and he got all pissy about it. Then Lion ended up killing the leader and Leman was like "Whatchu do that fo' fool?" And Lion was like "fuck off, furry". So then Leman punched Lion and the two of them fought for a day or two. Then Leman said this was stupid, and Lion knocked him out.)

In true anime fashion, the two eventually became best buds and treated it as water under the bridge, but no one sent their respective chapters the memo so the 2 chapters still hate eachother's guts, so it's also a good idea to keep out of the way of a Dark Angel/Space Wolf honor duel.(Another Fucking Correction: The two chapters treat the event as a sacred rite and whenever they meet, two champions are chosen and they duel. Neither die.)

They have apparently also become the love-chapter of some of GWs writers, scince they now have the best motorcycle squads around (yes, apparently even better than the White Scars), the last jetbike in existence, and servant aliens.

History of the Dark Angels

Luther, the Clint Eastwood of the 31st millennium

Due to a slight mutation in their geneseed, the Dark Angels had a slight predisposition to be emo, but other than that, they were cool. They killed lots of Orks and other xeno scum for great justice and were the most successful Legion during the early years of the great crusade, though their critics pointed out that the Dark Angels, being the First Legion, got a head start.

(Note: they might have been the 1st Legion, but Horus Lupercal was the first Primarch to be discovered, and as such he got a head start, not them; his Legion was also the most successful one, hence he was appointed Warmaster and not Jonson.)

During the Horus Heresy Lion'El Johnson rushed to come to the aid of the emperor, fighting his way through the Night Lords and traitor guard to reach Terra. He didn't make it in time, and shockingly returned home to Caliban only to find that his closest friend Luther had turned to Chaos, converting the garrison force with him EVERYTHING WAS A-OK. Lion'El fought his way into his own fortress KICKED BACK and dueled Luther for the fate of the legion HAD SOME BREWSKIS. When daybreak came Caliban was nothing more than an asteroid field, a result of the Dark Angels loyalists bombarding their own planet so mercilessly SOMEBODY LEAVING THE GAS ON IN THE FORTRESS MONASTERY. When Dark Angel forces reclaimed the void shielded remnants of their headquarters Luther was a gibbering wreck, and Johnson was nowhere to be found LION'EL WENT OUT FOR SOME SMOKES HE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE. Oh, and the traitors LOYAL. TOTALLY LOYAL AND NOT ACTUALLY TRAITORS Dark Angels painted their armor green. This rather stressing turn of events caused one Dark Angel to comment, "I hate Mondays."

Ever since that fateful day ten thousand years ago, the Dark Angels have striven to prove to the Emprah and their Primarch that they are still cool guys to hang around with, despite their earlier Heresy ABSOLUTE LOYALTY. Therefore, they have acquired toys like plasma cannon jetbikes, Terminators that count as scoring units, and a mini-Gitmo in an asteroid to torture the Fallen, in order to prove that they are still made of awesome sauce and epic win, and to attempt to disprove the rumour that that they are flaming homosexuals, however, having xeno pokémons instead of servitors make a probe they are still being extremely homo. (Interesting Fact: The little Xenos are the souls of the Exorcised Fallen who have been forced to serve the Loyalists.) (Another Interesting Fact: LION'EL JONSON IS STILL ALIVE. AND ON THE ROCK. HE'S IN THE CELL NEXT TO LUTHER!!)

See Also

• Tactics/Dark Angels