Evony

This is a /v/ related article, which we tolerate because it's relevant and/or popular on /tg/... or we just can't be bothered to delete it.

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

Evony, formerly known as Civony is a browser-based computer game which fucking sucks and anyone who says it's remotely good proves themselves flagrantly retarded.

What else do you need to know?

...wait, fuck, you're serious???

The actual game

It's a shit Civ-clone with graphics stolen from Age of Empires 2. The blatant copying is so obvious it's ridiculous.

Ads AKA the only reason we even have this article

While low-grade browser-based Civ-em-ups are nothing new, when the retards who run Evony realized that nobody gave two fucks about theirs, they decided to make up for it by spamming the shit out of advertisers with automated adspace - such to the point where Google has forcibly blocked attempts by Evony's makers hundreds of times to field more ads, and yet countless ones have made it through. Even after the blanket-block by Google, the sheer number of bots Evony's makers have unleashed has caused the game's ads to be spammed s across every fucking community everywhere - you can't get away from this shit without crap like Firefox's Adblock and Noscript.

When this failed, they began instituting the usual methods: comment spam, praise from alleged "critics", pictures jacked from other games. When that failed, they introduced tits to the ads that naturally didn't reflect the actual game. The Evony Ads are so notoriously ridiculous that they can make the most innocuous of pages look like a fuck-mothering softcore porn site. Oh, and with images stolen from Google Image Search. Fuck year. As is expected for a fifth-rate game's ad campaign, they eventually devolved to being 95% tits, to the point that other shitty web browser games made fun of them.

The game still exists, and in the late 2010 and 2020's, they've tried a new trick: pretending to be a pin-pulling game where you have to pill the right pins in the right order to release water, lava, monsters, and treasure. Then run adds showing somebody playing the game stupidly, to frustrate the viewer into wanting to play the game to "show them how it's done". To their credit, the game actually has puzzle stages like that, but you naturally have to play the Civ game to unlock them.

But wait! There's more!

Worst of all, dozens of sites and companies decided to copy their methods - genre-shuffled clones, reliance on similarly shitty ads, and using base-level titillation (in both senses of the word) as marketing with the most "successful" ones being Game of War: Fire Age and Mobile Strike. That, in turn, has led to a number of various faux-Civ clones that exist solely for the most cynical of cash grabs, and the whale-hunting cancer has even spread to Final Fantasy, of all fucking things (and they didn't even try to hide the blatant hack job, either).

On top of all that, the Evony game itself is loaded to the gills with spyware. It will infect your machine faster than Nurgle's turgid cock and harvest all kinds of info, so if ever you had to pick one reason out of several not to play it, then there you go. Oh, and the game's operators are under investigation by the FBI for potentially using this info for identity theft. They're also currently in trouble with international police for their involvement in keeping people as slaves to run Gold-Farming services for games like World of Warcraft, and the owners of the company have gone to some lengths to try and 1984 anything that could connect their shitty game to it. Reap what you sow, you fucking oxygen thieves.

/tg/ Does Not Approve (AKA the only OTHER reason this article is here)

The main problem /tg/ had with Evony is much the same problem that all of the various *chans had towards AnonTalk; bots began locking into /tg/ and flooding fucking threads with Evony and how awesome it was. After the initial onslaught of /tg/'s userbase manning the barricades and trying to fight them off first with reason and logic, then their boundless supply of Nerd Rage, the mods were called in. Because /tg/'s mods, unlike most other boards, don't tolerate this shit, they were banned in short order, but, as was the case with AnonTalk, sockpuppets were launched and the spam continued in staggered salvos as the mods of /tg/ dropped their righteous banhammer over and over. With no other options, /tg/ underwent a board freeze and a digital firestorm of deletions quickly scourged the board of the spam and banned the offenders. The threat had been abated... but it wasn't over yet.

Moot Approves Even Less

The combination of spambots - the worst of which included the aforementioned AnonTalk bots, as well as things like user-generated spambots and the goddamned Evony bots - eventually led Moot to declare the ultimate sanction: The only way to stop the spam entirely was with the only thing that, as a free imageboard, Moot was loath to institute... but it had to be done.

Moot instated a Captcha, and literally overnight the spam stopped. To add insult to injury, Moot blocked a huge majority of the Evony ads on 4chan, and from there, the threat was ended. To this day, mentioning Evony on 4chan in general will incite fury. If you're a big enough tard to mention it on /tg/, the mods may ban you on principle, and frankly you will fucking deserve it. Bring yourself before the Commissar for summary execution, you coprophagic pillock.

TL;DR

Evony is one of two reasons (the other being AnonTalk) why all the boards on 4chan require captchas to post, plus some of their shit practices are being adopted by larger companies who have no real reason to stoop that low besides emptying people's pockets. Permission to hate has already been approved.

Gallery

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  Typical Evony Ad.

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  Another Evony Ad. This one a bit more subtle.

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  One unusually-savvy /b/tard's response to Evony's faggotry.