Blaz Ravens

This article contains something which makes absolutely no logical sense, such as Nazi Zombie Mercenaries, Fucking Space Orangutans, anything written by a certain Irish leper or Robin Crud-ace, or Wizards of the Coast hiring the fucking Pinkertons over a children’s card game. If you proceed, consider yourself warned.

The Blaz Ravens are a /tg/ homebrew chapter created as a thinly veiled parody of the horrific Warhammer 40,000 Fanon Wiki. Namely the Blaze Ravens, from http://warhammer40kfanon.wikia.com/wiki/Blaze_Ravens (BAHLEETED!) whose unashamed fluff rape inspired /tg/ to create their own fluff raping abomination.

Blaz Ravens
Picture goes here
Battle Cry	Blasé in life! Blasé in death!
Number	Chapter number
Founding	Founding number
Successors of	United Kingdom Special Air Services
Successor Chapters	None
Chapter Master	Captain Fissure Price
Primarch	Girlyman
Homeworld	Fanonwiki
Strength	10,000 Because the Inquisition realized that the Blaz Ravens are far too awesome, cool, and speshul to adhere to the Codex Restrictions.
Specialty	What DON'T they specialize in?
Allegiance	Imperium/Tyrannids
Colours	Black, Grey and White.

"You have to trust someone to be betrayed. I never did."

— Captain Price after Cain's betrayal.

Origins

It is a mystery.

But we know something about their Origins.

Stay a while and listen.

The Blaz Ravens were founded shortly after the horus heresy by Captain Fissure Price and his second-in command, Lietutenant Marius Sulus. The intention was to combat the threat of anti-xeno chapters with an anti-anti-xeno chapter.

Surprisingly the originally anti-anti Xeno chapter would become friends with one of the most dangerous Xenos in the galaxi. During a combat mission in m.41 the famous Captain of the 1st Company Natalie Maim crashlanded on the Planet Psychlo I. The Chapter was sent there to fight against a giant roaming Eldar mob that threatened the human settlers. The strike force was under the Command of Captain Natalie Maim, who had the habbit of killing people for making fun of his girl name. While flying over an island the Imperial Guard pilot of Maims Valkyrie made fun of the Captains name, Natalie reacted by shooting the pilots head of <insert gore>. Sadly without a pilot to command it the Valkyrie crashed and the entire strike force except for Maim died in the crash. Maim was now stranded on a small island and far away form any help. After a few days of wandering Maim heard the sound of battle coming from the forest. He rushed towards the familiar sound of combat and saw how a helpless Hivetyrannt was assaulted by the infamous Eldar mob, the same mob Natalie was sent to kill. Together wiht the Tyrannid Maim killed all the Eldar and not only saved the planet but also the poor Hivetyrannt. The Tyrannids decided to repay Maims great deed by forming an alliance with the Blaz Ravens. From that day on the Blaz Ravens would count the Tyrannids as their allies.

Background

Some say that nobody knows but there are others that say they totally do know. It is a mystery wrapped in an enigma that even Tzeentch himself could not trace. One librarian has given a particularly controvsial theory: that they are made from the gene-seed of a lost faction of humanity known as the United Kingdom Special Air Service. Who is the United Kingdom and what is the SAS? Hell if they know.

It is said that the bestes Marines 'donate' to the gene-seed pool of the chapter, including Emperor, who weeps ters of joy when he hears of the Blaz Ravens.

The imperium tolerates their deviation from the codex astartes due to the little-known fact that Guilliman intended it as a wiki, to be tweaked and "corrected" by anyone with enough time on their hands.

Allies

Ultramarines
Blaze Ravens
Adeptus Mechanicus
Tyrannids

Enemies

Inquisition
Black Templars
Eldar
Imperial Guard
Commissar Cain
Galactic Partridges

The Raven Pattern Boltgun

This is a Boltgun type unique to the Blaz Ravens. It fires nuclear bolts, but it's a small nuclear explosion so it does not hurt the marine firing it. It also has an everything-peircing shell.

The Raven Pattern Boltgun can fire 40 rounds in 5 seconds and is of course, standard issue to Blaz Ravens.

Combat Doctrine

File:Blaz Raven.jpg

Blaz Raven Marine in his MK6 Corvus Armor

The Blaz Raven have an unorthodox combat doctrine, combining elements of the Imperial Fists, Ultramarines, Alpha Legion and Nightlords combat doctrines. The Blaz Ravens have a large reserve of Gray Knights on loan to them from the Ordo Xenos and employ them in a large number of their tactics.

The Blaz Ravens have been known to place numerous beacons, allowing for multiple, simultaneous and devestating defensive deep strikes. The Codex Astartes names this maneuever Steel Rain.

Battle of the Super Hardcore

The Blaz Ravens engaged the Eldar in very intens fighting but the Eldar proved to be more powerful than expected. Luckily Lord Captain Kickassia of the 3rd was there and because he was awesome and cool he led the Blaz Ravens to victory.

"Huzzah" said Lord Captain Kickassia, "Only Eldar fewls could think to best us in battle, we are the most kickasssiest chapter of the Imperium"

The Second Battle of the Super Hardcore

The Blat Ravens under the command of Captain Soap defetaetd the Blck Templors who were fightin their tyranid freinds. "Oh dear God in heaven the spelling errors"

The Third Battle of the Super Hardcore

Captain Awesome McFuckwin of the Blaz Ravens was fighting the 99th Black Crusade (most of the others having been censored by the inquisition).

All that is known is that Chaos lost and that it was so awesome that it created a new Chaos God Of Win. However Captain Awesome McFuckwin channelled his inner Chuck Norris and killed the infant god by ramming his chainsword into the face of the god and telling it to stop being a sack of Fail.

This is the first instance of someone owning a chaos god to nonexistance.

Battle of the Hylanus

And So the Imperial Planet of Hylanus came under assault by the forces of Warboss Ganonz whose stompy and killing was but unstoppable.

To the planet's rescue came the Blaz Raven's Second Company led by Lord Captain Link Zeldia. They fought the orkz of Ganonz's waaagh! with cunning and skill until Link faced Ganonz in single combat. Link finally struck down Ganonz with his Master crafted power Sword and the waaaaaagh! collpased and Hylanus was saved.

Captain of the 1st Company Natalie Maim commented afterwards "Whilst the Second Company saw victory this day one question still plagues my mind, what if Zeldia had been a woman?".

The Exile of Willanus

Now this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down

And I liked to take a minute just sit right there

And tell you how I became the prince of a hive city called Bel-Air

In west Armageddon born and raised

On the battlefield where I spent most of my days

fighting out, killin, purging all cool,

And all shooting some orkz outside of the school

When a couple of battle brothers who were up to no good

Started making trouble in my neighborhood

I got in one lil fight and my Chapter Master got scared And said "You're moving with the penal legion in Bel-Air"

I whistled for a cab and when it came near

The license plate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror

If anything I can say this cab was rare

But I thought naw forget it yo homes to Bel-Air

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes smell ya later"

I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Cain's Betrayal

Chapter Master Fissure Price had been enjoying a holy ice cream cone given to him as a reward for remaining quiet and still during a medical checkup by an Apothecary. Cain pushed it from his hands and sent it hurtling to the ground where it was all over the ground.

Many Blaz Ravens to this day still openly weep when they think about it. It was an outrage matched only by any encounter with the hated galactic partridges.

3rd Company

Master Gunnery Seargent Patrick "wait, what?" Fightmaster is known as a brash and totally bawss leader of the 3rd Company of the Blaz Ravens who has in his long service, punched through a tyrinad bioship, losing both his arms in the fall to the planet below where he then used his left shin to berate an Eldar Avatar into submission then, using the last of his nigh'inexhaustable stamina, roundhous kicked Abaddon back into the 42nd millenium.

Special Equipment

Whilst the Blaz Ravens do not officially have any special equipment on record, they have been seen fighting with Basilisks and Titans despite no other forces supporting them. This has led many to believe they have unorthodox equipment, the Inquisition however has found nothing concrete.

Tacticool Roolz

There are a strict set of rules set for the chapter involving battle set Price himself. These were set to prevent unessesary loss of life and to make sure that space marine genetics were not used by the tyranids.

1. Always watch your brothers scalps by moving in formations that cover all angles, except the floor, walls, doorways, and literally anything that isn't the ceiling.

{C}2. Never in any situation use human lives as bait or intentionally put them in danger,unless the majority votes that it would be really, really funny.

{C}3. Never put your Thunderbirds in the line of fire, else International Rescue will not be able to reach you, and that would not be FAB.

{C}4. In close combat you must be always supported by naked women to distract the enemy This will not work on other spess muhreenz, as they have no dicks.

{C}5. Shut up, Charlie. They are totes dickless. It says so in the fluff.

{C}6. All platoons must be sent back to the imperial guard where they belong.

{C}7. Charlie, I swear to god, if you make one more comment about muhreen cock, I'll tell miranda about the catfish incident. See if she agrees to go to prom with you after that.

8. Always give a update to your superior officers every 5 minutes, or until they tell you to shut up and leave them alone.

9. No, Charlie, I don't know if you have a shot with her That wasn't my point..

10. When facing a Ork or - Ah, fuck this. I give up.

Tribia

The chapter like to listen to dubsteps music, such as Skrillex, especially when the are in drops pods.

the chapters theme songs are "in the imperial navy" by the feral orks and "raped by squiggoths" by torsofrak