Greasus Goldtooth

Lardass supreme.

"Today the Orcs, tomorrow the world. Let them all tremble!"

– Greaseus Goldtooth’s speech at the Battle of the Fire Mouth, long-winded by Ogre standards

"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."

– How Greasus orders food at an Empire fast food restaurant

Greasus Goldtooth - or, to give him his formal title, Tradelord Greasus Tribestealer Drakecrush Hoardmaster Goldtooth the Shockingly Obese - is the closest thing that the Ogre Kingdoms have to an overarching ruler. A big and powerful ogre, Greasus was destined for more because he had something few other ogres do: a brain big enough to consider things beyond bludgeoning to death whatever was at hand and then eating it.

His name is a reference and a pun, mixing "grease" with Croesus, the legendarily rich Lydian King who fought the Persian Empire.

History

After killing and eating his father Gofg, formerly infamous Tyrant of the Vale of Titans, he decided he wanted to be boss of all the other ogres around too. As Goldtooth tribe was situated near the Ivory Road (i.e. Fantasy Silk Road), all of the Greasus' predecessors used this advantage to raid and consume the caravans (which is how the tribe became so powerful by the way). Greasus, however, realised that there is another way to get all the food and riches. He had agreed to negotiate with Zhao Ming, the ruler of Western Cathay and the Iron Dragon himself, where they bonded over daddy issues and lack of manners. Eventually, Greasus agreed to let the caravans ride freely through his territory if they pay a toll to him, which is actually really smart for an Ogre.

After that Greasus finally turned his attention to the West. First, he buried alive one Ogre tribe that refused by starting an avalanche above their holdings when they were all inside for the Great Feast of Midwinter. Come the spring solstice, he approached the tribe of Gut Badmouth to challenge the Tyrant to a guts out pitfight for the tribe; cunning as always, Greasus let the much bigger and stronger Tyrant clamber down into the pit first, then bellyflopped onto him from the pit's lip and broke his neck. There was some dissent as to whether this was a "legit" win, but after he beat and ate three dissident Bruisers in a row, everyone else shut up and followed him.

Since then, Greasus has become the number one power in the Ogre Kingdoms, collecting tithes from all the kingdoms along the Ivory Road, so huge and rich that he no longer walks but is instead carried everywhere by grunting, straining gnoblars. He carries a big scepter that is also a super-club that grants him the strength of a sky-titan, and wears a magic crown that enhances his already-sharp intellect to near-human levels. Said crown was created by the best magic users and blacksmiths of the Empire, who were actually commissioned by Greasus to create such a relic.

End Times

When every volcano in the Mountains of Mourn decided to erupt, Greasus took the prudent route and decided a new ogre migration was needed. So he gathered every tribe and began the march westward. They didn’t get too far though, as the Ogre Kingdoms soon collided with Waaagh!Grimgor, and the two belligerents began the last and greatest Orc vs. Ogre war. Though Grimgor had the numbers, Greasus commanded the largest army of ogres the world had ever seen. The war drags on until Grimgor and Greasus meet on the battlefield, both wanting to test their strength against the others. They duel for hours, Greasus' club giving him the strength to match Grimgor blow for blow. At the end, Greasus disarms Grimgor and is about to win, but lets hubris get the best of him. Tossing his club aside, he tries to pick up Grimgor and squeeze the life out of him the way he did to the last black orc war boss he fought. Instead, Grimgor avoids him, picks up the scepter and smashes in his skull. With this, the magic wind of beasts flew into Grimgor, and the last of the loyal ogres abased themselves before Grimgor, the new greenskin and ogre collective being known as the Beast Waaagh.

As to be expected, he didn’t transition into Age of Sigmar, but the idea of a super wealthy/intelligent ogre lives on with a fellow named Globb Glittermaw, the Overtyrant of the Meatfist Mawtribe.

Total War Warhammer III

Greasus is one of the two starting lords for the Ogre Kingdoms, who themselves are the early adopters bonus for game three in the Total War Warhammer series. His 3D render is fabulously fat and shiny as it should be, and he seems to have traded the living palanquin of gnoblars and gold for a blinged up go-kart mobility scooter (probably because it would have been fucking hell animating hundreds of Gnoblars carrying him around compared to a cart. The kart is probably easier on your computer to render too). The jury’s still out on whether this is a downgrade or improvement, unless you're a gnoblar.

Despite being the overtyrant however, Greaseus as actually a very shitty lord. The main problem with him is he has super slow animations, and his animations have such poor range he barely hits anything. As a result, most players prefer to switch him out for a normal tyrant ogre, which is really saying something if a normal ogre beats his ass considering he is supposed to lead them all. Chances are if Greasus would either get better animations, or just got off his damn cart he would kick some ass. Funnily enough there are some mods that make him stand up and he actually kicks some ass. He has decent stats, if only he would get off his fat ass and use them.