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The short version of it is that some people involved in game designing (both traditional and video games) tend to design female armor to be more sexually attractive than functional. This topic can lead to [[skub|lively debates]].
'''Fantasy armor''' has a long and noble tradition of [[awesome]]ness, [[Derp|awe-inspiring]] [[FAIL|stupidity]], and [[skub|lively debates]]. Many kinds of fantastic armor, such as sexy bear skin speedos, chain mail bikinis, massive codpieces, ridiculously massive suits of plate mail, armor made of gold or even gems, and other overly elaborate forms of armor are all standard equipment for adventuring parties. Threads dedicated to fabulous and ridiculous armors are a common sight on /tg/, and discussions regarding people's favorite type of armor are also a common way to pass the time, [[cancer|although doing so has a risk of starting an ugly political debate over issues best not discussed on this page]].


== Categorization ==
Most agree that even the most over-the-top armor designs aren't a huge problem for anything other than historically accurate settings, and in terms of the [[crunch]] it simply doesn't matter, as the stats and the design do not need to be linked in any way - after all, the key word is "fantasy".
[[File:ArmorTiers.jpg|200px|thumb|left|How people react to the tiers of armor]]
==Common Types==
As you may see with the images to the side, fantasy doesn't need its armor to be logically sound. Due to this, armor design is usually done more to appease the eye than the mind. Thus, armor design and usage that tends to be over-the-top usually leans on the following styles:
===Living Fortress===
The character is so excessively armored with large pieces of armor that you must wonder how they can even walk unassisted without falling over. Usually done to give characters a stoic and/or intimidating look. Issues such as avoiding heatstroke and being unable to use a toilet in that armor are usually sidestepped in fiction, but then those issues are [[Magical Realm|almost]] never addressed in fiction anyway. In real-life these drawbacks were trade offs for the protection the armor offered, and the armor itself can't be put on or removed by the person wearing it without someone else helping - in practice it's usually one of the jobs of a squire. To avoid heatstroke, the wearer had to drink and minimize activity where possible, and as for the toilet problem since the armor can't be properly removed without help, there was a flap at the back - otherwise the squire would have to clean it afterwards.


Here's a brief rundown...
===Bare Minimum===
* Category Zero: A female character is simply clad in regular armor that is identical to what male characters have and is purely functional in design. If it has any ornamentation, it is simply the sort of ornamentation that is common for that region. Some examples include chainmail shirt and a helmet, a suit of plate, gear worn by modern female soldiers in combat situations, etc.
Not an armor type, so much as a lack thereof. Characters in this style typically wear just enough to keep them from being classified as naked (think [[Red Sonja|"Red Sonja"]] and you'll get the idea). Traditionally given to characters who favor speed over protection (or fanservice, depending on the setting), it is also sometimes given to those who use some kind of supernatural protection against damage to supplement their armor or simply happen to be so good at withstanding/dodging attacks that they don't normally need to worry about being hurt in the first place. The average magic user is a good example of this, given that the traditional wizard robes are just natural fiber clothing and aren't usually much better in terms of their protective value (enchantments and other forms of magical protection notwithstanding). One popular example is [[Conan the Barbarian|Conan]] being depicted wearing only boots, a loincloth and a belt. This look originated from artwork of Conan by renowned artist Frank Frazetta. Frazetta himself depicted Conan this way because he liked drawing the human body and put that personal preference in his art style (which is why men and women in his art tend to be scantily clad whenever possible).
* Category One: Armor is specifically made to be worn by women, but is still functional. Ornamentation, if present can be more feminine. Think of the difference between a man's and a woman's suit. Cat One armor is either as good or better for a female wearer than Cat Zero armor.
* Category Two: (Boobplate) Specific to plate armor, this involves a pair of boobs being hammered into a breastplate. This will direct a sword blow (or worse: a bullet) inward towards the heart. A simple raised section in the armor to accommodate breasts would fall into Category One. Special note has to go to the real world Greek Muscle cuirass which had sculpted boob plates, only it was worn by men (ie the [[Sanguinary Guard]]), and further only by officers, making it a rare case of male category 2 or 1. That said, since a six pack and abs is flatter than a pair of boobs it's much less of an issue.
* Category Three: Female armor which is really really tightly fitting, thus making it hard to put on or take off, decreasing its effectiveness as armor and making it hard to move in.
* Category Four: Armor with exposed cleavage, midriffs and similar, leaving portions of the body exposed for blades, spears and arrows. Also appearing at this point are high heels, and not the kind intended for riding.
* Category Five: Chainmail and plate bikinis. At this point we are not dealing with armor but [[/d/|rather armor-themed stripper costumes]] [[Rule 34|whose only purpose is for pure fanservice.]] The male example is roman gladiator armor which usually only consisted of armor on a single arm and a belt, and, like Cat 5 armor, it was intended mostly for spectacle rather than utility.
* Category Six: Included only for completeness sake, a cat 6 is no armor and no clothing, runing into battle completely naked. This was historically done by males of certain cultures such as the [[Viking|Norse]] and Celts. Interestingly the Celts and Vikings were also known for having female warriors meaning category 1 and category 3 and 6 (more so Celts than Vikings), as none of these people used plate armor, this is the most likely option on this list for [[FAIL|West-specific]] historical accuracy and [[Rage|"artistic license of historical events"]], which is kinda pathetic if you think about it. Scythians and Sarmatians would fall under category under category one.


== Ubiquity ==
It should be noted that the "almost naked female armor" is not actually as common as one might expect. The worst offenders are usually fantasy pinups and JRPGs (and in the latter case, often applies to both men and women); for actual tabletop RPGs and most western-developed videogames, they're actually somewhat uncommon in recent years due to - among other things - ideological pushback, the practical objections and widespread mockery (as such, if the setting doesn't revolve around fanservice then the nakedness is usually either made more "artistic", or more effort is used in "justifying" it in-universe).
Even for all it's silliness, the bigger issue is not that this stuff exists. If it was something which cropped up once in a blue moon it would be dismissed as a quirk of a few series who are a bit more fanservice heavy than others. The real issue that it has become effectively the norm rather than the exception. That said, there has been a bit of a backlash against this in recent years.


== Perspectives on Female Fantasy Armor ==
===Flash to the Extreme===
On the one hand you have people who are against revealing female armor. It's self evidently badly designed for the purpose of protecting it's wearer and exists for reasons of cheap fanservice. That it has been allowed to become the norm also reflects poorly on people who like the genre, making them come off as juvenile and sexist.
The character's armor is excessively decorated and designed in an over-the-top manner (ranging from bright colors to it being encrusted in precious gems and metals) that they basically scream: "walking target" and/or "mobile treasure chest" when out into the field. Usually given to the upper hierarchy of a setting to denote either their position or wealth. [[Chaos Space Marine|Large spikes]] count as an "evil" version of this; while they can make a villain look intimidating, they'd also be getting in the way, either poking yourself or your allies ''constantly''.


Then you have it's proponents/defenders. Said people would argue that it adds flavor to the setting and that it looks nice. When confronted with its deficiency in terms of protection, some people will try to defend them by making points such as "women being unable to carry as much weight as men". In general terms this is true, but mostly this has to do with upper body strength in the arms, strength in the legs and spine is more even between individuals of both sexes of comparable size and build and armor is mostly carried by the shoulders for the same reason a backpack is, though females are typically of a lighter build than males (hypothetically, if the strength/gender discrepancy was universally true, one could simply make women's armor lighter without making it revealing). Which means that the actual problem with this argument is that it ignores that a smaller person has less area for armor to cover, and thus the weight of the armor is lighter. Another oft quoted and lacking of understanding of physics is  "increased mobility", leaving aside the matter of high heels or the cumbersomeness of wearing an armored corset. The only named fictional character who gets away with this is the current Samus, because her high heels are actually jet-heels [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJx6wRgadOc] which also allows her to kick opponents in the face and burn them at the same time. Characters who come from horse riding cultures also have excusable heels (to a degree, stilettos are still stupid) and can also get away with high heels since the "heel" was originally designed to work with a stirrups and fashion just extended it to a stupid degree. The 'socially pragmatic' card is "distraction" assuming that all men are dumb and horny enough to automatically let their guards down to stare at tits, double sexism ho! Others, who realize that it's a bad design would bring up that A) The name of the genre is ''Fantasy'' and its defined by moving trees, animate statues and giant armored winged reptiles that can fly and spew fire out of their mouths without incinerating their tongue, so unrealistic elements are to be expected and B) in real life women seldom served as warriors during the middle ages in any case.
===Style over Substance===
The character's armor includes elements that reduce its practicality in favor of looking flashy or appealing. Such features are found almost entirely on female armor and includes high heels, contoured breastplates, no clear means of fastening it together, thigh-high boots, and a lack of padding. Then again, one can easily point to countless real-world examples of the above-mentioned traits (Yes, even heels - riding a horse with stirrups is much easier wearing boots with heels), but most of the time were usually reserved for ceremonial armor or just not totally optimized for combat (because even the best armor available for one age would have been outstripped and improved upon in design in later years).


A third group exists which settles somewhere in between the previously mentioned groups. These are people who feel that it depends on the setting. If it's a setting where male and female soldiers fight in pike formations and phalanxes supported by companies of crossbow armed soldiers using volley fire, halberdiers, mounted archers and lancers and otherwise aims for a degree of realism, have reasonable and functionally designed female armor. For more overtly fantastical stuff and stuff like Conan the Barbarian where you have guys wearing a single [[pauldron]], a bandoleer for a sword, a kilt and a pair of boots into battle, the chainmail bikinis fit the tone and are fine. Notably, [[Dark Sun]] was specifically designed as a desert world solely to make this style of armor make sense and because [[Derp|the developers forgot that actual desert dwellers have to wear concealing full-body outfits to prevent sunstroke.]]
===Fear Me===
The character's armor is specially designed to intimidate their enemies, either by just looking menacing or realizing what the armor is, is enough to inspire dread. This is typically reserved for villains, who will dress all evil-like to intimidate their foes and cement their position as a, or ''the'', big bad. The good guys sometimes use this style, as an attempt to show his allies and the enemy he means business. This can take a variety of forms, such as:
*Dreadful armor - simply designed to intimidate foes while looking dignified. They make take the shape of beings feared throughout the setting, like dragons, wolves, angelic/daemonic warriors, or what else have you. While sometimes they're adorned with iconography that their enemies would fear. Worth noting this isn't just in fantasy either, this is literally [[Batman]]'s shtick in a nutshell.


== Female Armor in Real Life ==
*Eldritch abomination - armor that looks like something H.P Lovecraft would make. Such style incorporates features that are designed to either disgust or horrify the enemy [[Chaos Space Marines|at the mere thought that something like them could exist.]] Typically used by big bads, who either have armor writhing like its alive - and sometimes ''it is'' - or have fused with their armor like it's their second skin.
[[image:Female_Soldier.jpg|thumb|200px|right|A modern female soldier in BDU. Notice how you can't differentiate her from a male soldier? The entire point of this flubdubbery.]]
In the ancient times, there were many instances of women on the battlefield. The Sarmatians, who gave the Persians, Greeks and Romans hell in the form of horse archers outflanking and outrunning heavier or more numerous units if any of those people set foot in their territory. They used bronze armor, purportedly, though given their closeness and possible part of Scythian civilization it is more likely they used what the Scythians used, chainmail, who fought employing all sexes as well. An ancient Queen of Scythia Tomryas, was the one to behead King Cyrus of Persia on the field of battle, marking a clear boundary for the Persian Empire's Eastern borders, and also being the number one reason most discussions of and books or shows about Cyrus by classical West-centric and Middle East-centric thinkers do not usually cover how he died, since they avoid mention of independent women who win against empires as much as possible and would prefer to sexualize Cleopatra as a femme fatale and depict Boudicca wearing a chain-mail bikini or leathery equivalent before they were invented (the chainmail/leather bikini being late 20th century and the first proper example Red Sonja. It should be noted that Conan beat her scantily clad barbarian routine by several decades; in addition the creator of Red Sonya said they were inspired by Conan) if they even bother to mention Boudicca. Many Celtic tribes men and women both went to war, in berserker with an iron longsword style, which usually meant, and depending on the tribe, that most people ran into battle wearing only pants and with blue warpaint all over their bodies, and some were more tactical (or lucky to have the resources) to employ bronze and iron armors. The only exceptions are Druids and the wealthier/royal members of a tribe. To give them credit, they did usually use a testudo-like or heavy shield of some sort and chariots. We even have records of Roman female Gladiators, called gladiatrices. Thought Japenses history, but especially in the Waring states period, a women trained in the use of the Naginata was consider an especially valuable wife since she had the skill to defend against attackers while the husband was off fighting. In fact in the empire of Japan for school children Karate and Kendo were compulsory for boys, while Naginata-do, the art of using a Naginata, was mandatory for school girls.


However, you will notice that the civilizations known for female warriors were not highly agrarian, at least not compared to Rome, Medevial Europe or Japan (though Japan is a bit odd in this regard as seen as above but they were not expected to fight offensively though it did happen.). In farming premodern warfare women did not serve on the front lines as soldiers as a general rule and so In the middle ages (before armor was fazed out anyway in favor of cheap musketeers) and as such generally did not wear armor. The reason for this was that armor was expensive, took a lot of time to make and generally they wore what armor was immediately available on hand. There were exceptions that came up now and again (Joan of Arc in France, Onna Bushi in Japan) and when it happened they wore armor basically identical to male armor, at most falling into Category One. In modern times, many first world armies allow women to serve as soldiers, in which case they wear basically the same combat uniforms as their male comrades in arms do and are about as flattering. Though this is somewhat of a problem: a soldier's gear is highly standardized (including their armor)and set to a number of size variations, and unfortunately for female soldiers, "woman" is not one of them. This often also includes soldiers of an uncommon body shape (aka huge dudes), and even people who are left handed given how are rifles eject spent shells, making it a problem across the entire armed forces. As uniforms along with almost everything else first world militaries use is made by private industries, this is either them cutting costs for maximum greed/profit (one that most other industries can only dream of), being chauvinists or just lazy.
*Armored hedgehog - covered in big sharp spikes. Some armors in this school have so many spikes that wearing them in real life would run the genuine risk of impaling oneself. Sometimes the user is even portrayed as using the spikes themselves as a weapon.


And if you think that ''this'' is the reason that women should either stop bitching or not join the military, [[RAGE|please go teabag a bear trap]].
*The Faceless - some very intimidating primary villains wear helmets which completely obscure their face. This usually indicates to the viewer what it does to characters - this person is not to be fucked with. For some reason villains with full face protection tend to be very dangerous. They got so strong because they [[Reasonable Marines|wore helmets]] long enough to not get killed before [[Level|levelling up]] a lot.
 
===What are these "ergonomics"===
 
One thing should be emphasized about real world armor: It's already bloody uncomfortable to wear an at least 20 pound (or 10 kg) over shirt (which is about what the very lightest armor will weigh), never mind fight in such a thing. Padding was absolutely required for even the most basic of armor (most cutting weapons can do double duty as (expensive) clubs), and that's just the first obvious problem you'll have when fielding armor (and, in fact, there was and is a non-trivial amount of armor that was ''nothing but'' padding (go look up the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gambeson Gambeson] if you don't believe us; D&D calls it "padded armor" and undervalues it because game balance)). Padding, needless to say, is hard to move around in. The Ergonomics of Real World armor was (and remains to this day) very important, as a result of these and other factors.
 
Fantasy armor frequently ignores such considerations as "weight", "flexibility", "range of motion", "chafing", "padding", and "comfort", among other considerations, with exceptions being people who wear armor that shows a lot of skin (which sorta defeats the point of armor, but there you go) or where magic compensates for ergonomics or function (e.g.; a metal bikini enchanted to protect its wearer). This is also ignoring the tendency for almost everybody to walk around without any kind of helmet.
 
== The Main Source of Skub ==
{{skubby}}
 
Female armor is the main source of [[skub]] when armor is discussed. Three points are probably indisputable:
 
# The forces that produce cheesecake outfits in Real Life probably exist in your game world.
# The realities of combat also probably exist in your game world, which directly counteracts #1.
# The armor worn by women in Fantasy Art veers strongly towards the cheesecake side of the line.
# In the real world, there were actual suits of armor that had some ''very'' goofy looking codpieces; [[Wikipedia:Armor of Ferdinand I, Holy Roman Emperor | here's one famous example]]. [[wikipedia:Muscle cuirass |Muscle cuirasses]], while somewhat less funny than the silly codpieces, are also brought up. (There's a possibly relevant point to be made here, but the laughter over the goofy codpieces usually drowns it out.)
# In the real world, practical armor is fairly unisex, in terms of shape, if not support - breasts just don't get as much in the way as you might expect, particularly once you start adding the necessary padding. Depending on the size of the breasts, at least.
* [[Derp|Yes, we know that's five points, when we said three are indisputable.]] [[Irony|Which three of the above five are indisputable is widely disputed.]]
 
For example, point number two is dependent on how much of a roleplayer vs. [[rollplaying|rollplayer]] you are. You wouldn't care much about how well armor covers you if it's +3 defense regardless of hit location, especially where supernatural power - the meat and potatoes of fantasy settings - protecting the wearer regardless of exposed skin is involved. Otherwise, you also have people argue that artistic license is more important than adherence to reality when it comes to fiction, since it's not supposed to be a literal interpretation of reality anyway, but by that point you're entering a philosophical debate.
 
Further for point five... specialized armor for women is a thing, even in modern times for multiple military forces. This is something this Anon's sisters in arms expressed a great deal of desire for back in the day, and his current coworkers express a great deal of gratitude for now.
 
Beyond those few points, expect to see nothing but a sea of bullshit, and maybe a few well-meaning but absolutely wrong "Best Practices" suggestions.
 
==="Breast"plate a.k.a. "Boobplate"===
A somewhat specific case of "Female Armor skub" is a breastplate that has boobs on it, for use by female users who want to advertise their femaleness. There are a metric shitload of arguments centering around just this one specific variant of fantasy armor; the main somewhat objective complaint being that most such designs create an obvious weakness in the armor: you create an inward curve to drive the blow '''towards''' the center of the wearer's chest, rather than an outward curve which drives the blow '''away''' from the center of the chest. But from there, we rapidly enter the sea of skub and bullshit, without even the thin veneer of the "Best Practices" suggestions.
 
== A Mild Digression about Ceremonial Armor ==
 
In Real Life, armor was usually divided into practical and ceremonial armor. Practical armor was intended to actually be used (i.e., protect a dude (or dudette, as the case may be) from that spear or knife in the middle of an actual melee). Ceremonial armor was intended to look good. This resulted in occasional wild differences between the two, such as the ridiculous codpieces mentioned above. That is not too say that no piece of ceremonial armor has ever been used in battle: there are more than a few surviving examples with marks of wear, though the circumstances of their incurrence are not always clear.
 
Fantasy armor is usually inspired by the ceremonial armor, as that's what was usually put into artistic depictions and survived long enough to be put in museums. This is reinforced by seemingly period-accurate reproductions taking their inspiration from both sources.
 
== The Warhammer Line ==
 
As a side note, if your armor is as or more ridiculous than Warhammer's (either [[Warhammer 40,000|40k]] or [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle|Fantasy]]), expect to be mocked. Yes, this means you, generic anime-inspired MMORPG, and you, [[That Guy]] who uses a screenshot from said MMORPG as his character portrait.
 
==Videos==
 
Unsurprisingly the skub extends to youtube. Shadiversity, a historian, author, and HEMA practitioner has a couple extensive videos on the subject. On the subject of armor click [https://www.youtube.com/embed/lBtvS5yhTA8 here] for the general discussion, and [https://www.youtube.com/embed/6KHz0qWQA9I here] for the specific discussion on if boob plate's dangerous. Then click [https://www.youtube.com/embed/7Iw_RD_h6bc here] for the more general, but related subject of the Fantasy barbarian.
 
There's numerous responses from other excellent channels like Skallagrim, commentaries from Schola Gladiatoria and other detailed videos from Shad and others ranging from focusing on the chain mail bikini itself to the more general topic of the fantasy Conan style Barbarian. This goes all the way up to scifi boob plate of the far future... not quite [[Sisters of Battle|40k]] to my knowledge. Yet. But people have brought similar kit up.
 
==See Also==
*[[Helmet]]
*[[Armor]]
*[[Pauldrons]]
 
{{MedievalWeaponry}}
 
== Gallery ==


==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
<center><gallery>
File:USCMJV.png|Jenette Vasquez from Aliens in Category Zero. As seen with Hudson as a comparison, her armor looks exactly like the ones male marines use (apart from the extra equipment used to allow her to use a Smartgun system).
File:Skelerotic Warrior.png|It separates, AND supports!
File:Elspeth Tirel.jpg|[[Elspeth Tirel]] shows off a suit of Category One: while being without a helmet and with a flowing long robe this is the standard suit of armor for the knights of [[Alara|Bant]], who will not exploit these two weaknesses when fighting their honorable duels.
File:Bikini-Armor-Cosplay.jpg|This armor protects the most vital parts of the body.
File:Hammer-and-anvil.jpg|Sister Miriya of the [[Sisters of Battle]] in Category Two. Category Two armor is generally the most acceptable form of female armor for most fantasy fans since it logically looks like it can protect the user while remaining aesthetically pleasing.
File:Megnets.jpg|Perfectly safe, proven by practical evidence.
File:Myar.jpg|An [[Eldar]] Farseer in Category three. Although, while it is tight-fitting, Eldar mesh armor is designed to be tight while still allowing users free movement. Plus, while the picture is of a woman, Eldar men wear the exact same armor making this an out of universe type three, but in universe type two since she still has a boob plate (to clarify, male Eldar banshees are expected by [[Khaine]] [[derp|to wear these too, and the other 12 Warrior Paths and Guardians completely lack it, but Autarchs and Farseers use it.]])  Regardless, sculpting the armor with a navel is excessive (for those who think that's what Eldar abs look like, refer to the next pic).  
File:Glamour armor.jpg| Fantasy armor is known to reveal Fabulous Secret Powers to its wearer.
File:Lelith Hesperax Huge.jpg|[[Lelith Hesperax]] in a Category Four/Five Hybrid. While it can't protect her, it is nearly impossible to strike Lelith in the first place due to her borderline-supernatural agility, and so her armor is optimized to be as lightweight(and thus easy to maneuver in) as possible. Additionally, [[Dark Eldar]] culture demands that Wyches and Succubi be as sexually appealing as they are deadly in combat- a Wych that isn't attractive enough for the crowds inevitably ends up in an arena match that she can't win and the male members of wych cults dress about as skimpily.
File:Armour of Bulk.png|[[Centurion Squad|The Centurion armored suit]]. An armor system where [[Derp|the guy wearing powered armor wears another powered armor suit on top of it]]. At least the title is correct.
File:Muscle_Cuirass.jpg|A male category 2 muscle cuirass. It has largely the same problems as female category two. They even went to the trouble of [[/d/|hammering out nipples and a navel.]]
File:Roman_Gladiator_Armor.jpg|A male category 4/5 historical roman gladiator. The exposed chest is considered to be the gladiators badge of honor. If you've pierced that, you've pierced the gladiators honour. No. His ''other'' [[oglaf|honour]].
</gallery></center>
</gallery></center>


[[Category:History]]
[[Category: History]]
[[Category:Gamer_Slang]]
 
[[Category: Weapons]]
 
[[Category: Medieval Weaponry]]
 
[[Category: Armour]]
 
[[Category: Meme]]

Latest revision as of 23:24, 20 June 2023

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Fantasy armor has a long and noble tradition of awesomeness, awe-inspiring stupidity, and lively debates. Many kinds of fantastic armor, such as sexy bear skin speedos, chain mail bikinis, massive codpieces, ridiculously massive suits of plate mail, armor made of gold or even gems, and other overly elaborate forms of armor are all standard equipment for adventuring parties. Threads dedicated to fabulous and ridiculous armors are a common sight on /tg/, and discussions regarding people's favorite type of armor are also a common way to pass the time, although doing so has a risk of starting an ugly political debate over issues best not discussed on this page.

Most agree that even the most over-the-top armor designs aren't a huge problem for anything other than historically accurate settings, and in terms of the crunch it simply doesn't matter, as the stats and the design do not need to be linked in any way - after all, the key word is "fantasy".

Common Types[edit]

As you may see with the images to the side, fantasy doesn't need its armor to be logically sound. Due to this, armor design is usually done more to appease the eye than the mind. Thus, armor design and usage that tends to be over-the-top usually leans on the following styles:

Living Fortress[edit]

The character is so excessively armored with large pieces of armor that you must wonder how they can even walk unassisted without falling over. Usually done to give characters a stoic and/or intimidating look. Issues such as avoiding heatstroke and being unable to use a toilet in that armor are usually sidestepped in fiction, but then those issues are almost never addressed in fiction anyway. In real-life these drawbacks were trade offs for the protection the armor offered, and the armor itself can't be put on or removed by the person wearing it without someone else helping - in practice it's usually one of the jobs of a squire. To avoid heatstroke, the wearer had to drink and minimize activity where possible, and as for the toilet problem since the armor can't be properly removed without help, there was a flap at the back - otherwise the squire would have to clean it afterwards.

Bare Minimum[edit]

Not an armor type, so much as a lack thereof. Characters in this style typically wear just enough to keep them from being classified as naked (think "Red Sonja" and you'll get the idea). Traditionally given to characters who favor speed over protection (or fanservice, depending on the setting), it is also sometimes given to those who use some kind of supernatural protection against damage to supplement their armor or simply happen to be so good at withstanding/dodging attacks that they don't normally need to worry about being hurt in the first place. The average magic user is a good example of this, given that the traditional wizard robes are just natural fiber clothing and aren't usually much better in terms of their protective value (enchantments and other forms of magical protection notwithstanding). One popular example is Conan being depicted wearing only boots, a loincloth and a belt. This look originated from artwork of Conan by renowned artist Frank Frazetta. Frazetta himself depicted Conan this way because he liked drawing the human body and put that personal preference in his art style (which is why men and women in his art tend to be scantily clad whenever possible).

It should be noted that the "almost naked female armor" is not actually as common as one might expect. The worst offenders are usually fantasy pinups and JRPGs (and in the latter case, often applies to both men and women); for actual tabletop RPGs and most western-developed videogames, they're actually somewhat uncommon in recent years due to - among other things - ideological pushback, the practical objections and widespread mockery (as such, if the setting doesn't revolve around fanservice then the nakedness is usually either made more "artistic", or more effort is used in "justifying" it in-universe).

Flash to the Extreme[edit]

The character's armor is excessively decorated and designed in an over-the-top manner (ranging from bright colors to it being encrusted in precious gems and metals) that they basically scream: "walking target" and/or "mobile treasure chest" when out into the field. Usually given to the upper hierarchy of a setting to denote either their position or wealth. Large spikes count as an "evil" version of this; while they can make a villain look intimidating, they'd also be getting in the way, either poking yourself or your allies constantly.

Style over Substance[edit]

The character's armor includes elements that reduce its practicality in favor of looking flashy or appealing. Such features are found almost entirely on female armor and includes high heels, contoured breastplates, no clear means of fastening it together, thigh-high boots, and a lack of padding. Then again, one can easily point to countless real-world examples of the above-mentioned traits (Yes, even heels - riding a horse with stirrups is much easier wearing boots with heels), but most of the time were usually reserved for ceremonial armor or just not totally optimized for combat (because even the best armor available for one age would have been outstripped and improved upon in design in later years).

Fear Me[edit]

The character's armor is specially designed to intimidate their enemies, either by just looking menacing or realizing what the armor is, is enough to inspire dread. This is typically reserved for villains, who will dress all evil-like to intimidate their foes and cement their position as a, or the, big bad. The good guys sometimes use this style, as an attempt to show his allies and the enemy he means business. This can take a variety of forms, such as:

  • Dreadful armor - simply designed to intimidate foes while looking dignified. They make take the shape of beings feared throughout the setting, like dragons, wolves, angelic/daemonic warriors, or what else have you. While sometimes they're adorned with iconography that their enemies would fear. Worth noting this isn't just in fantasy either, this is literally Batman's shtick in a nutshell.
  • Eldritch abomination - armor that looks like something H.P Lovecraft would make. Such style incorporates features that are designed to either disgust or horrify the enemy at the mere thought that something like them could exist. Typically used by big bads, who either have armor writhing like its alive - and sometimes it is - or have fused with their armor like it's their second skin.
  • Armored hedgehog - covered in big sharp spikes. Some armors in this school have so many spikes that wearing them in real life would run the genuine risk of impaling oneself. Sometimes the user is even portrayed as using the spikes themselves as a weapon.
  • The Faceless - some very intimidating primary villains wear helmets which completely obscure their face. This usually indicates to the viewer what it does to characters - this person is not to be fucked with. For some reason villains with full face protection tend to be very dangerous. They got so strong because they wore helmets long enough to not get killed before levelling up a lot.

What are these "ergonomics"[edit]

One thing should be emphasized about real world armor: It's already bloody uncomfortable to wear an at least 20 pound (or 10 kg) over shirt (which is about what the very lightest armor will weigh), never mind fight in such a thing. Padding was absolutely required for even the most basic of armor (most cutting weapons can do double duty as (expensive) clubs), and that's just the first obvious problem you'll have when fielding armor (and, in fact, there was and is a non-trivial amount of armor that was nothing but padding (go look up the Gambeson if you don't believe us; D&D calls it "padded armor" and undervalues it because game balance)). Padding, needless to say, is hard to move around in. The Ergonomics of Real World armor was (and remains to this day) very important, as a result of these and other factors.

Fantasy armor frequently ignores such considerations as "weight", "flexibility", "range of motion", "chafing", "padding", and "comfort", among other considerations, with exceptions being people who wear armor that shows a lot of skin (which sorta defeats the point of armor, but there you go) or where magic compensates for ergonomics or function (e.g.; a metal bikini enchanted to protect its wearer). This is also ignoring the tendency for almost everybody to walk around without any kind of helmet.

The Main Source of Skub[edit]

This article or section is about a topic that is particularly prone to Skub (that is, really loud and/or stupid arguments). Edit at your own risk, and read with a grain of salt, as skubby subjects have a bad habit of causing stupid, even in neutrals trying to summarize the situation.

Female armor is the main source of skub when armor is discussed. Three points are probably indisputable:

  1. The forces that produce cheesecake outfits in Real Life probably exist in your game world.
  2. The realities of combat also probably exist in your game world, which directly counteracts #1.
  3. The armor worn by women in Fantasy Art veers strongly towards the cheesecake side of the line.
  4. In the real world, there were actual suits of armor that had some very goofy looking codpieces; here's one famous example. Muscle cuirasses, while somewhat less funny than the silly codpieces, are also brought up. (There's a possibly relevant point to be made here, but the laughter over the goofy codpieces usually drowns it out.)
  5. In the real world, practical armor is fairly unisex, in terms of shape, if not support - breasts just don't get as much in the way as you might expect, particularly once you start adding the necessary padding. Depending on the size of the breasts, at least.

For example, point number two is dependent on how much of a roleplayer vs. rollplayer you are. You wouldn't care much about how well armor covers you if it's +3 defense regardless of hit location, especially where supernatural power - the meat and potatoes of fantasy settings - protecting the wearer regardless of exposed skin is involved. Otherwise, you also have people argue that artistic license is more important than adherence to reality when it comes to fiction, since it's not supposed to be a literal interpretation of reality anyway, but by that point you're entering a philosophical debate.

Further for point five... specialized armor for women is a thing, even in modern times for multiple military forces. This is something this Anon's sisters in arms expressed a great deal of desire for back in the day, and his current coworkers express a great deal of gratitude for now.

Beyond those few points, expect to see nothing but a sea of bullshit, and maybe a few well-meaning but absolutely wrong "Best Practices" suggestions.

"Breast"plate a.k.a. "Boobplate"[edit]

A somewhat specific case of "Female Armor skub" is a breastplate that has boobs on it, for use by female users who want to advertise their femaleness. There are a metric shitload of arguments centering around just this one specific variant of fantasy armor; the main somewhat objective complaint being that most such designs create an obvious weakness in the armor: you create an inward curve to drive the blow towards the center of the wearer's chest, rather than an outward curve which drives the blow away from the center of the chest. But from there, we rapidly enter the sea of skub and bullshit, without even the thin veneer of the "Best Practices" suggestions.

A Mild Digression about Ceremonial Armor[edit]

In Real Life, armor was usually divided into practical and ceremonial armor. Practical armor was intended to actually be used (i.e., protect a dude (or dudette, as the case may be) from that spear or knife in the middle of an actual melee). Ceremonial armor was intended to look good. This resulted in occasional wild differences between the two, such as the ridiculous codpieces mentioned above. That is not too say that no piece of ceremonial armor has ever been used in battle: there are more than a few surviving examples with marks of wear, though the circumstances of their incurrence are not always clear.

Fantasy armor is usually inspired by the ceremonial armor, as that's what was usually put into artistic depictions and survived long enough to be put in museums. This is reinforced by seemingly period-accurate reproductions taking their inspiration from both sources.

The Warhammer Line[edit]

As a side note, if your armor is as or more ridiculous than Warhammer's (either 40k or Fantasy), expect to be mocked. Yes, this means you, generic anime-inspired MMORPG, and you, That Guy who uses a screenshot from said MMORPG as his character portrait.

Videos[edit]

Unsurprisingly the skub extends to youtube. Shadiversity, a historian, author, and HEMA practitioner has a couple extensive videos on the subject. On the subject of armor click here for the general discussion, and here for the specific discussion on if boob plate's dangerous. Then click here for the more general, but related subject of the Fantasy barbarian.

There's numerous responses from other excellent channels like Skallagrim, commentaries from Schola Gladiatoria and other detailed videos from Shad and others ranging from focusing on the chain mail bikini itself to the more general topic of the fantasy Conan style Barbarian. This goes all the way up to scifi boob plate of the far future... not quite 40k to my knowledge. Yet. But people have brought similar kit up.

See Also[edit]

Medieval Weaponry
Melee
Weapons:		 Battleaxe - Dagger - Lance - Mace - Club
Pole-arm - Spear - Sword - Warhammer
Ranged
Weapons:		 Blowgun - Bows and Arrows - Cannon
Crossbow - Firearm - Rocket - Shuriken - Sling - Incendiary Weapons - Artillery
Armor: Armor - Fantasy Armor - Helmet - Pauldron - Shield

Gallery[edit]

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