Umpleby

The Umpleby is hands-down one of the stupidest monsters to ever come out of Dungeons & Dragons! How stupid are they? Even the Tome of Horrors, which specialized in bringing back disdained monsters from the Fiend Folio and Monster Manual II of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 1e and porting them into Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition, didn't want to include Umplebys!

In a nutshell, umplebys are super-hairy man-apes so densely covered in fur that they build up lethal charges of static electricity, which they use to deliver deadly touch attacks to anything that makes the mistake of trying to attack one of these lumbering idiots. That's it. They're literally nitwitted hairy man-things that kill you with static electricity.

This article is boring and stinks of being copypasted from a gamebook or another wiki. You can make it better by making it less unfunny.

We're not exaggerating how stupid these creatrues are. Quote their expanded monster lore from 2nd edition:

The umpleby is an eight-foot-tall, 400 pound walking mound of wild, straggly brown hair. Lips and eyes can be discerned on its face, but every other part of its body is covered with fur. When encountered in its native temperate forest, the umpleby will neither attack nor try to hide, but will just stand stupidly and stare. The umpleby can speak common in a halting fashion, but will rarely do so; in general it is an uncommunicative creature.

Combat: The umpleby will defend itself if attacked, but usually will not fight either for or against an adventuring party. When it does attack, it strikes with its hands for 1d4 points of damage. The umpleby often makes nets out of its own hair and stores them by wrapping them around its waist. It can throw such a net 30 feet. It will use its nets or its special electrical attack only if threatened.

The umpleby stores large quantities of static electricity in its body. Each day, it can deliver a total of 50 hit points of electrical damage simply by touching its opponents. A normal attack roll is required unless the victim is unsuspecting. Metal armor of any type is considered Armor Class 10 with regard to this attack, though appropriate magical and Dexterity bonuses still apply. The umpleby can deliver all 50 points of damage in one strike, or it may regulate the amount of electrical damage it inflicts, usually conducting 1d8+8 points of damage. When it delivers the 50th hit point of electrical damage, the umpleby immediately goes to sleep, recharging its static electrical charge as shown on the table. The creature is, of course, immune to electrical attacks.

Sleep Static Charge Restored

Less than 1 hour 4d4 points

1-4 hours 25 points

4-8 hours 37 points

8+ hours 50 points

Habitat/Society: An umpleby usually lives in a cave or hole dug into the earth or into the side of a hill. It is a rather stupid creature, and solitary by nature; the umpleby attention span is too short to be interested in forming a community. Occasionally, a male and a female umpleby will encounter each other in the forest and band together just long enough to bear a young one. They stay together until the “baby” wanders off one day and doesn’t come back, then they lose interest in each other and wander off themselves. No more than three umplebys have been seen together at one time.

Umplebys love shiny and sparkling treasure, and can detect large amounts of precious metals and gems (more than 1,000 coins or 50 gems) up to 100 feet away, even through solid rock. These shiny objects are among the few items that will hold an umpleby’s attention for any duration. It keeps a huge treasure trove of these items in its lair, but it will never reveal the lair’s location, even if threatened with death (though charm monster may overcome this reluctance).

On meeting a party of adventurers, an umpleby will often simply shamble along with them, neither helping nor willing to be left behind. It constantly gets in the way and seems incapable of moving in silence.

An offer of food and water will ensure instant and total loyalty to its benefactor, as the umpleby is incessantly hungry and thirsty. This loyalty includes help and possibly advice, and will be broken if the benefactor does not reward the umpleby with a reasonable proportion of any coins or gems discovered as a result of its aid. If insufficiently rewarded, the umpleby will leave; if pursued, it will refuse further cooperation.

Umplebys are primarily vegetarians, eating berries and fruits from the trees. If befriended by an adventuring party they will eat almost anything that is given to them.

The umpleby’s hair is very tough, and 50% more difficult to cut, break, or burn than the cords of a magical web. An intact umpleby net can bring as much as 100 gp.

Because of the umpleby’s ability to shock, few creatures tangle with them. Blue dragons regard them as light snacks, and sometimes venture out of their desert homes to enjoy one. Umplebys regard volts as particularly horrid pests.

Publication History

Umplebys debuted in the Fiend Factory in White Dwarf #9 for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 1e, then were made official in the Fiend Folio. They were updated to 2e in the Monstrous Compendium Fiend Folio Appendix (1992), and were reprinted in Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume Two (1995). Their last appearance to date was in Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition, when they were amongst the joke monsters featured in the adventure "Fool's Grove".

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