Editing Tales of Inquisitor Paranoia

A complete rip-off of Tales of Worm Paranoia

This is Text humor about an Inquisitor named Caligula becoming insane after an unfortunate incident. (Drawings would be much appreciated)


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Caligula:(Gasps)What are you looking at? YOU FILTHY HERETICAL CHILDREN! Look at yourselves why don't you ?(Points index finger) IT IS UNTO YOURSELVES YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING!!! (Sobs uncontrollably)

(Scene shifts to a street in a hive-city)
Caligula:I wasn't always like this.I was once a happy Inquisitor,killing heretics and aliens.I had a job,a girlfriend,everything....Then came that fateful day.

(Caligula sees three people performing a heretical ritual.Caligula gets his incinerator)

Caligula:Say hello to your filthy dark gods in HELL,HERETICAL MOTHERFUCKERS!

(Prepares to fry them.But then he gets squashed by a Dreadnought)

Dreadnought:DIE HERETICS!

(Dreadnought chases after them.Caligula gets up)

Caligula:HEY! (Pauses.Then smiles)oh,hey.

(Then gets run over by the heretics. Gets up to say something,but then gets trampled by the Dreadnought again.Gets up but gets run over by the heretics,then by the dreadnought. Then again,and again,and again and again,and again,and again)

(Scene changes to a room in a cathedral.Caligula smiles widely front-view while his inquisitor-girlfriend,Minerva,stares frightened.Caligula wonders off to get something.)

Minerva:What are you doing Caligula?

(Walks in with a large bucket)

Minerva:wha...wha..whats the bucket for,Caligula?

(Caligula gives her an insane grin.He wonders off again)

Minerva:Caligula, I'm your girlfriend! I'm worried about you!

(Caligula appears placing both his hand on her shoulders,smiling)

Caligula:Don't worry about me Minerva (Looks behind his shoulder.Then turns back to Minerva) I know that Dreadnoughts are foul and evil.But it doesn't bother me (Smiles widely) Really (Runs off)

(Caligula appears with a large canister containing sickly green-colored liquid)

Caligula:I'm gonna put it aaaaaalllllll to rights.

(Both look at the canister)

Minerva:Vitriol.Avoid contact with face.Wha...whats it for?

Caligula:Oh....not much.

(takes off lid)

Caligula:I'm just gonna visit a certain dreadnought i know.

(Pours it to the bucket.Then gets the bucket and begins to walk away)

Caligula:Watch out,Minerva.

(Minerva stand idly by for a few seconds)

Minerva:Caligula....CALIGULA!!!

(Rushes to Caligula and grabs his legs)

Minerva:Caligula,don't do it!you'll get executed by angry marines!

Caligula:DON'T TOUCH ME!!!CANT YOU SEE MY SOUL IS ON FIRE???!!!

(Proceeds to walk away)

Caligula:I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS!I DON'T CARE!I DON'T CARE! I DON'T 'Grunts' 

(Trips and falls on his back.The canister flies up the air and the Vitriol lands on his face)

Caligula:DAAAAAAAAAAH-HAAAH-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! MY FACE!

(Scene changes to a park.Caligula is on a wheel-chair with his hands on his face.Minerva appears)

Minerva: Want another blanket,Caligula?

(Caligula faces her to reveal half of his face is severely disfigured.Minerva gives him a passionate smile.Caligula stares at her for a few moments then begins to cry)

Caligula: Oh how could i have been so wrong?I lost my humanity to a maelstrom of hatred and revenge.But what can i do to make up for it all?Ive got it!I'll apologize to the Dreadnought.

(Scene changes to a large metal door.Caligula knocks)

Caligula: You don't know me, but I had wrath in my heart. (Cries) I had vengeance in my soul! (drops to knees and continues crying) But that was my past life. Now I've discovered the glory that resides in all living things. From the lowest protozoa and crawling on its belly in the lowlands... lowlands... to the great speckled trout that leaps in pristine crystalline lakes in the uplands. Blessings upon Emperor and humanity and all it contains. Oh how I love the Imperium... Oh how i love Humanity... EMPEROR BLESS EVERYBODY!!!

(The three heretics stand right behind him.Caligula turns his back)

Caligula: HERETICS! 

(Gets his Heavy Flamer)

Caligula: DIE HERETICAL SONS OF BITCHES!!!

(Door opens and dreadnought appears)

Dreadnought: HERETICS

(Dreadnought squashes Caligula again and begins to chase the heretics)

Caligula: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!