Editing Walmart Apocalypse (section)

==Note to GMs==

“Your intoned words permeates the Departments, heard at every terminal, register and help desk. It’s a a clear symbol of the omnipresent dangers your players will face. You serve as the voice of the WalMaster and every Smiler and Greeter and Tabbie and Stocker is yours to command. Every danger, threat and hardship is both directly and indirectly the fault of the Wal and you now command its multitude of horrors.

Fun ideas for a potential Walmaster include:

Let loose flesh eating, mutated  bees developed  upon your group during a trip across an oozing, toxic chemical lake.

Bring peace to a dying friend by travelling to the fabled VEE-R Booths to entomb him, fending off Smilers and of Greeters assaulting the defending ‘TronBoys.

Watch in horror as you spill bird seed whilst sneaking through the Exotic Animals section.

Experience terrible anxiety as you slowly insert a near-mythical ticket into an outdated, decaying WalLottery machine and await a reward that’s probably ironically excruciating.

WalMart Apocalypse, at its heart, is both absurd and brutal, being an extensive satire of consumer culture. And yet its aisles hold the potential to be horrifying, hilarious and saddening. You’re in control of everything but the player characters. Write an adventure. Have fun.





'''BONUS SUPER-DISCOUNT GM FUEL'''*

''Always'' low prices. Walmart.

Limit 1 (one) per customer. No refunds.


(Enemy Sportsman) "And what are you supposed to be? A paper airplane?"

"No! Shogun's Sharpener. no! I'm an honorable Stationari and will bring about your death!"

"AHAHA! Right."

(Stationari cuts him down easily) "Bakagaijinn idiot. Why can no-one appreciate an honorable warrior envoy? Are Daimyos really so unheard of in this damned aisle?"



Typical Stockerbot responses during Black Friday:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY OUR COMPLIMENTARY COFFEE? (laser blast, kills target)

OUR PRODUCE IS NEARLY 100% ORGANICALLY SOURCED! (initiates whirling death blades)

EVERYTHING MUST GO, GO, GO! (kills everything in area)



(Glamamesh giving group a quest):

”You insignificant worms are nothing, not even remotely capable of truly understanding just how fortunate and lucky YOU out of all the other Lowly Ones are to be directly addressed and commanded by one such as I. 

This alone should be incentive enough to beg for whatever favors you could possibly be capable of, despite how obviously improbable such a thing would be for anyone of your station in life. Go forth and bring me back the 25 pound diamond from the undeserving cows within Jewelery, and I shall let you gaze upon my throne without my glorious presence sitting in it, with sunglasses upon your worthless faces, instead of the bags that shield me from the sight I dread to imagine beneath it.”

After completing the quest and getting nothing in return, you charge forward in disgust at having been so mercilessly used and tossed aside like a bit of tissue. You rip off the bags that shield him from your inferior gaze, and keep you from basking in his glorious sight without earning the right.

You barely catch a glimpse of his arrogant, self-righteous smirk and gaze, before it shifts and transforms into a visage of pure gorgeous wrath and rage. 

He hisses at you with absolute grace and vehemence, “You lowly dogs DARE to greedily lap upon the sight of my glory!? You have the audacity to BELIEVE you can strike me with such UNWORTHY and PITIFUL pieces of scrap and trash manhandled together into something you pretend to call a weapon!? Then I shall punish you like the dogs you are!"

He snaps his fingers as you all begin to climb the steps to his throne of glory and fabulousness, massive and brutish monstrosities leap forth from behind the pillars they were hidden within. You quickly glance back to Glamamesh after seeing these things appear, realizing that he vanished almost as soon as they appeared, not wishing to besmirch his magnificence with the presence of so much UGLINESS.



Sample reward from d100 table:

89: You receive a massive 25 pound diamond the size of a human head. It's completely useless. Despite this, everyone seems to want it. Muses from the Music department seek it for the most awesome and radical disco ball in the world. Tronboyz want to see if they can turn it into a laser lens. Smilers need it to finish their Statue of the great Sam. Nevergrow think it is shiny and pretty and thus must be taken. It's a cursed item, drawing the attention of Gangstars to GlamFabs to superstitious Tobacco tribesmen. You can't do anything with it except perhaps trade it with someone too dumb to accept its impracticality.



(Example dialogue of a Doctor in Medical):

Always more patients, always more patients... Never sleep, can't sleep, WON'T SLEEP! Ah, hello there. What seems to be the matter today? Oh, I see, your charts say you have hay fever. No, no, shhhh, don't try to struggle, everything will be better in just a moment. There. Isn't that better? Isn't that wonderful? No more hay fever. I've removed your nose you see, along with your eyes, your mouth and your ears. No more dangerous making you ill. Oh, why I am still yammering on? You can't even hear me...




Sample conversation:

"Go to the aquatic section, they said. Easy meal, they said."

"Great Sam Above, whose been feeding you all these lies!"

"The same speed freak assholes who told me accepting gifts from the pharmacy tribes was a good idea."

"Ah yes, Auto. I have been told stories of their sense of 'humor'."

"Why would you accept anything from Pharmacy? It's all junkies and robots who want to make more junkies down there."