Editing Oinkbane (section)

== Porkbane, Gentlepork, and Madam Rinds ==
Anonymous: What if Oinkbane had a brother? Would he be the exact opposite action-wise? Porkbane, maybe?

    >Target heads into the office
    >Sits down and does some work
    >Looks to his water cooler and sees what looks to be a wereboar hiding in it. 
    >Freaks out and has it dismantled
    >Nothing is in it
    >Goes back to desk
    >Looks up, wereboar is there
    >Porkbane "Uhh.... you need to file this."
    >Worker is disappointed by the mild inconvenience of extra work
    >Oinkbane smashes through cubicle, caving in target's head
    >"TOO SUBTLE FOR... OH FUCK ME, IT'S YOU
    >Porkbane tears up
    >"You don't have to mock me because I took a stable job!"
    >ASSASSING IS STABLE. I KILL LOTS OF PEOPLE IN STABLES

    >Wealthy Merchant heads home
    >Sees bushes moving ominously
    >Freaks out, has his guards pepper it with crossbow bolts
    >Turns around
    >"Uh, hello? My name is Porkbane. I'm here from the Accountant's Guild, it appears you are behind on your taxes."
    >Merchant is disappointed. Porkbane has made his day mildly more inconvenient
    >Takes Porkbane to his vault
    >Freezes
    >On Vault Door is a sign with a picture saying "FREE CATGRL INCIDE"
    >Has guards open Vault
    >Steve is inside, looking lost
    >"Guards, arrest him!"
    >Guards advance
    >Suddenly, a pile of gold moves
    >"Guard's an intruder!"
    >Guards attack pile of gold
    >Oinkbane drops from ceiling
    >TOO SUBTLE FOR YOU
    >Skitters arrives, see everyone there, sees carnage.
    >Sighs, starts pocketing gold, her dreams of a perfect heist ruined.
    >Porkbane watches in silence.
    >"You know... I really should be stopping this but I don't much care anymore."
    >YOU CAN'T HURT MY APPRENTICES. I HAVE TWO APPRENTICES SO THAT THEY COMPETE AGAINST EACH OTHER. THEY ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER. ONE DAY THEY WILL BE AS SUBTLE   
    >AS I AM.
    >"They don't look like the sort to try and kill each other."
    >YOU CAN'T SEE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT SUBTLE ENOUGH. THAT IS WHY MOTHER DIDN'T LOVE YOU
    >"What the hell are you talking about?! She barely acknowledged you existed! I was the one she paid for through college"
    >I KNOW. SHE WAS GREAT AT BEING SUBTLE.

Anonymous: I want a back story of Oinkbanes hammer!
Refrek Spine Snapper: Oh ok... You mean the same story of when he was taught the ancient secret art of assassination known as Pork Chop. His mother taught it to him before she was made into bacon. She never taught Porkbane because she was busy faking loving him. She really loved Oinkbane, who she pretended not to love. She was a very subtle mother.

    Gentlepork, I imagine, if he's the opposite of Oinkbane, should be constantly arrested due to undue suspicion.
    Yes, even when he's going to the grocer's.
    >Gentlepork goes to the greengrocer across a park
    >Slightly glance towards the park, see a couple and their daughter
    >Goes to ask for his grocery
    >On the way home gets arrested by town guard, someone reported him as being a child molester
    >All he did was glance at the kid across the street
    >IT IS GRAVE MISUNDERSTANDING!
    >Gentlepork goes to dinner with a friend
    >Friend suddenly chokes on something
    >Gentlepork knows Heimlich maneuver!
    >Concerned neighbor busts in on Gentlepork 'choking' his friend
    >IT IS MISUNDERSTANDINGS OFFICER

Anonymous: Gentlepork is Porkbane and Oinkbane's father... or so he believes. HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE MARRIED SO SUBTLE A WOMAN. Porkbane and Oinkbane's mother.... commonly know as Madam Rinds. Sadly, Madam Rinds passed away recently, at far too young an age. The Assassin's Guild that offed her, as a sick revenge, turned her into bacon. Everyone who ate that bacon died. It was her last subtlety. It took fifteen assassins and a orbital launch platform to take her out... she was that subtle.

Indonesian Gentleman: Now I get the 'Meet the Sniper' reel, but instead of Sniper it's Oinkbane, and the ones on the phone are Gentlepork and Madam Rinds.
"Dad? Dad I- … y- …'m Not a crazed hammerman, Dad, I'm an assassin! Well, the difference being one's a job, and the other's mental sickness! IT'S TOO SUBTLE FOR YOU! Look dad can you just put mom on the phone?!"