Editing Hassan (section)

===Crazy Hassan and the Black Company===

I have seen many things in my time with the Black Company, villains that we are, but one event still stands out in my mind. This happened while we were still in the service of The Lady, or rather Soulcatcher of the Taken, to be precise. The Rebel forces were launching a massive attack all across the front, and our Imperial 'allies,' such as they were, were falling back in disarray left and right. Only we brethren of the Company held. We had taken many casualties, with our once-bolstered numbers whittled down to barely eight hundred warriors, but we held the line regardless. The Captain seemed unusually determined to keep in the fight. He said that as the last of the Free Companies of Khatovar, we might as well go down in such a way to be remembered forever. Honestly, I believe that he just said that because he didn't want to admit that we'd never be able to retreat in time.

"It's the damned horses," Elmo moaned as we moved forward with a scout party, looking about for any sort of Rebel Movement. One-Eye was with us, his magic ready to alert us to the presence of anyone who wasn't exactly chummy with us.

I looked at him strangely. "What do you mean, 'it's the horses?' We don't even have any with us to damn right now."

"That's my bleeding point, Croaker," He scowled. "The Captain knows that we won't be able to move through the gap without mounts to carry us. What good are outrider platoons if they can't bloody well outride anyone? So, we're left to waiting for the Rebel to pick us off, quick as you please."

I couldn't help but agree with him- things were incomparably bleak these days. Even Raven, the normally unbreakable stoic, was showing signs of fatigue, and that was starting to worry his little surrogate child, Darling. Even though the lass couldn't talk, you could see the worried look deep in her eyes.

I was still thinking when One-Eye suddenly shot up his hand, motioning for our thirty-strong little band to halt for now. The dark-skinned mage slowly scuttled forward and peeked over a hill, then slid back down an nodded at us grimly. "Just as I thought. There's some idiot over on the other side of that hill. He's got some strange beasties with him, too. I wouldn't take 'im lightly."

Elmo grimaced, then let out a flurry of gestures and orders. "Right, then. Pokey, take your mob and form up behind me, Croaker, and One-Eye. Longshank, your squad'll sneak around back and set a little surprise for this bloke if he ain't friendly. Mercy, your boys'll stay here and cover us with-"

"HELLOOOOOOO, NEW AND VALUED CUSTOMERS!!!" That ungodly cry shocked all of us, and I would've jumped out of my skin if I hadn't been so bone-tired. We wheeled around to see a strange little man standing on the hill, his hands in the air and an almost childish look of giddy excitement on his face. He had tan skin (though not as dark in color as One-Eye's) and wore what looked like a turban on his head. In his hands, he held the reins to the queerest animal I'd ever seen in my whole time with the Company! The creature looked almost like a mutated horse, with two large humps on its back and a surprisingly long neck. It looked at me and I swear to this day that the thing nodded at me, as if in greeting!

The short man marched up to us and began to shake our hands, shouting happily the whole time. "WELCOME TO CRAZY HASSAN'S BETTER-THAN-NEW USED CAMEL EMPORIUM! WE HAVE MANY TYPES OF CAMEL FOR SALE TODAY! AND YOU COME ON A GOOD DAY TODAY, MY FRIENDS! I HAVE TOO MANY CAMEL TODAY, AND I MUST SELL THEM! I GIVE YOU GOOD BARGAIN, YES!?"

Elmo regained his composure quickly, and snarled, "Now, listen here, you little savage-"

The man grinned and yelled even louder. "OKAY, OKAY, I UNDERSTAND, MY FRIEND- YOU ARE RELUCTANT TO BUY CAMEL WITHOUT SEEING FOR YOURSELF! COME COME, I SHOW YOU CAMEL, AND YOU GET GOOD BARGAIN!"

We awkwardly followed the mad hermit to his garishly colored tent, around which a herd of the camels had congregated. One-Eye sent a message to the Captain through Silent, trying to gain directions for establishing a deal. All the while, the crazed salesman kept jabbering. "MY CAMELS ARE OF FINEST BREEDING AND GOOD HEALTH! EACH CAMEL COMES WITH LIFETIME GUARANTEE- YOU BUY CAMEL AND CAMEL DIE, YOU GET NEW CAMEL! CAMEL HAS MANY GOOD QUALITIES OVER HORSE- CAMEL IS BETTER IN DESERT, CAMEL DRINKS LESS WATER, CAMEL CAN SPIT FARTHER-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Elmo snapped, clearly irritated by the ravings of this lunatic. "You're trying to sell us a creature... On the merit that it can SPIT FARTHER THAN A HORSE!"

Hassan merely smiled and spoke for the first time that day without yelling. "My friend," He began, "This spitting is what makes camel the finest fighting beast in the world. If camel is attacked by bear, camel will spit in bear's face and beat it while it is blinded! If camel is hunted by bird, then camel will spit at bird and kill it! If camel is attacked by a man, camel will spit in the man's face and trample him!"

Hassan struck a heroic pose, which a few of the camels actually tried to emulate. "The camel is invincible!"

Elmo and the others just stared at the man, somehow swayed out of their former suspicions by the kindly madman's words. Without missing a beat, they all gazed at One-Eye, who had apparently stopped talking with the Captain through Silent and was now ready to render the Company's verdict. He looked around at us, then at Hassan, then at us again. He suddenly broke out with a smile on his face and shouted, "We'll take all the camels we can get!"

We cheered loudly and managed to buy hundreds of the fine beasts for out brethren in camp. The next time we rode to war, the Rebel quaked in fear at the sight of our great warband, mounted on our rough-and-ready desert steeds. Since the great victory we won in the North, those camels have been a vital part of our equipment, and many of the men practically consider them to be brethren of the Black Company in their own right. Me, I just thank whatever gods may be for bringing us a savior when we needed him most.

I thank the gods for Crazy Hassan and his amazing deals on quality used camels.