Editing Stercus Ludicrum (section)

===Imperium===

=====Imperial Guard=====

*'''Original Commissar''' The original Commissar who started it all (always a Commissar). Is currently the closest thing that the local PDF on Cold Shoulder, has as a capable leader.

*'''Future Commissar''' The same guy as before, but from a far shittier future that occurs a year and a half after the war of Cold Shoulder originally started. We don't understand how he got here, or why he's still here, so stop fucking asking, and get back to work!

*'''Colonel James Arthur''' Praetorian Guard Colonel, was told by his higher ups to move as many conscripts as he had on hand to Stercus Ludicrum. Hasn't done much but walk around and wonder who is mad enough to have this many troops on one planet, also kinda thinks some of the sisters of battle hate him. Has a nice mustache though. Seems to always be in the wrong place at the right time

*'''Fessus''' There are some men who are meant to be leaders. Men with charisma and the ability to inspire people. Men with composure, able to remain level-headed in the face of adversity. Men with great cunning, able to achieve victory through well thought our strategies and tactical genius. Fessus is not one of these men. Fessus was one of the original newfag PDF soldiers of Stercus Ludicrum, who managed to somehow survive Stercus's first clusterfuck. When he and his squad were confronted with the prospect of total planetary annihilation, he had the brilliant idea to desert by offering him self and his squad to the Blood Raven's as "gifts" to secure them transport off world and better gear. Of course, this did not work out, and since then he and rest of the Gifted Guardsmen have continued to stay and been roped into fighting for various different factions. Despite calling himself a sergeant, Fessus never actually held an official leadership position in The Guard. He's not the bravest soul, whines like a bitch a lot, and has a dubious set of morals and ethics that he tends to work with through heavy rationalization. This, combined with his greed, and propensity for poorly thought out plans has a tendency to get him and his friends into trouble. However, despite his selfishness getting the better of him sometimes he does have his heart in the right place.

*'''Marcus''' One of the Gifted Guardsmen and Fessus's unofficial second in command and go to driver. He is also their "field mechanic". What he lacks in formal training and proper equipment, he makes up for with Duct-tape, and a creative approach to machinery. Given enough Duct-tape, time, and materials that could be hammered, cut, or slapped into something resembling the right parts, and he can get almost any vehicle up and running again, albeit temporarily and with a lot more smoke than it used to make. Unsurprisingly, this has gotten him and his friends in a lot of trouble with the Adeptus Mechanicus. In some ways, Marcus is rather similar to Fessus: he loves to complain when confronted with adversity, would rather avoid fights when he can, and shares his dubious code of ethics and aversion to honest work. However, unlike Fessus, he's calmer, more thoughtful, and more grounded about his decisions (although that only applies when Booze isn't involved) and Fessus's complaining is more of a put-upon whining about how life is unfair while Marcus's is more of an angry grumbling. Marcus also lack's Fessus's greed, spending his free time slacking off, relaxing, and drinking rather than scheming. While he does get on Fessus's case from time to time, he recognizes that his quick thinking and creative, if half-baked, plans have gotten them out of trouble on many occasions. That, and he just doesn't want to bother having to do his job, so he lets Fessus maintain his delusions of grandeur.

*'''Lloyd''' Lloyd is one of the Gifted Guardsmen and their explosives expert. This has less to do with any actual explosives expertise and more to do with the fact that he can throw as good as, or maybe be even better than, a guard issue grenade launcher. Having once been a pitcher for the Brook Hive Base-foot-basket-hockey-ball team (which is apparently a sport on Stercus Ludicrum) before joining the Guard, he's learned to apply his athletic skills to throwing grenades instead of throwing balls or pucks or whatever. He is also their fast-talker, and his quick tongue can bluff and blather them out of a bad situation, or at least buy time trying. Lloyd is the most impulsive and reckless of the Guardsmen, and has a propensity for making and taking bets no matter how stupid just because he can. While He'd rather go into a situation guns blazing than sit around talking strategy, he still has enough common sense to know to follow laid out plans. He appears not to the take things as seriously as his friends.

*'''Phillip''' Phillip is one of the Gifted Guardsmen and serves as their "face". Being the most charismatic and eloquent of them, he is the one of them best capable of representing his friends in a way that makes them appear to be more than retarded mooks. He is also a gifted speaker capable of inspiring and riling up the people around him, although not nearly to the sae degree as the Bishop is able to. He is the eldest of the Gifted Guardsmen, and the only one of them who might not have been an official Guardsman, having been hinted to have been one of the Bishop's crusaders, who merely found a PDF uniform and was roped into the Guard. Phillip is the most devout and "moral" of the group and has a distaste for criminality and heretical behavior as well as a (possibly undeserved) respect for Echlisiarchal institutions, which often has him acting as the group's collective conscience. Despite his calm personable demeanor is extremely, is shown to be contentious when it comes to theological arguments and extremely aggressive against those he perceives as enemies of the Emperor, possibly as holdover from his time as a "crusader". However, perhaps due to his time in the Guard, his zeal is tempered by a sense of practicality and rationality, as it is better to live to expel evil from the Imperium, than die a martyr and let it continue to exist. He also has artistic talent, and enjoys painting and poetry, the latter of which has helped his friendship with Sister Maria of the Black Sepulcher

*'''Decarus''' Decarus is the combat medic of the Gifted Guardsmen also the youngest of them. Decarus is the baby of the team. He is somewhat childish, being easily intimidated by authority figures and believing in monsters from children's tales. Despite being a Guardsman, he is incredibly innocent and naive, with a very simplistic view of morality. He is willing to thieve and kill as he's doing it to the "bad guys", which consists of Xenos, heretics, and some varieties of gangers. He is the most compassionate of the group, and while somewhat desensitized, still hates to see innocent people get hurt. He also has a crush on the Living Saint Brigitte, which she may be oblivious to.

*'''Commissar Flavia Julia Arodastra'''

=====Ecclesiarchy=====

*'''Ecclesiarchy Youngster Bishop''' A rather young bishop, elevated to his position due to him having an Aquila birthmark. During the first clusterfuck war, he united the civilians of the planet into a holy mob, repeatedly violating the Degree Passive but doing such a good job everyone just looked the other way. Managed to convert the Governor's Whore of a Daughter away from Slaanesh worship and to that of the Emperor. Is now married to her.

*'''Governor's whore of a Daughter (call her Steph)''' The daughter of the recently deceased planetary Governor, and a former Slanneshi cultist like her mother. Went to "rehab" and got better (and by that, we mean she got married to the planetary bishop, and enjoyed the taste of his dick, and so got her act together). Is currently the the planetary Governess.

*'''Dietrich Wegstein''' A Inquistorial crusader that was left behind by his team, led by an Ordo Xenos Inquistor. While not lacking in knightly virtues, he stumbles from place to place due to his poor sense of direction.

*'''Lamos Derstrum''' A Preacher, who after looking at the clusterfuck that is cold shoulder, decided to do something about these problems himself. Proceeded to militatise his congregation, steal a whole lot of Imperial guard equipment, piss of the Mechanicus by committing tech Heresy and avoiding subsequent assassination attempts. Is currently slowly crusading around the planet, trying to help neglected settlements.

=====Sisters of Battle=====

*'''Canoness Konstanzia''' Canoness of the [[Order of the Ermine Mantle]], and "leader" of the local sisters of battle currently on planet. Has bionic eyes and a penchant for drinking far too fucking much expensive alcohol. We've tried talking to her about it, but it usually ends with a serious beating.

*'''Living Saint Brigitte''' Formerly Sister Brigitte of the Order of the Ermine Mantle, died and returned as a living saint. Is unbelievably humble and a little thick. Tends to die a lot. Currently in captivity of Dark Eldar.

*'''Sister Charlotte''' Dominion serving Konstanzia. <s>Has</s> Had the swankiest Ermine cape in the squad. Like capes, weddings, impressing the Canoness and 'literally any guy above the rank of turd.' 

*'''Sister Lydia''' Drives a repressor for the Canoness with her gunner, Sister Hanna. By virtue of her station, she is the designated driver for the squad. Naturally, she has learned to steel-face the Arbites like a true drunken master.

*'''Sister Terese''' Seraphim serving Konstanzia. The Dark Eldar tried to torture her, and were so pathetic she faked her screams of agony out of pity. Totally did not give that BDSM-dar girl a beejay.

*'''Sister Olga''' A sister of battle with the Ermine Mantle. One of their heavy weapons specialist's armed with a heavy bolter. Her fellow sisters all say she eats too much, and think she's massively overweight. She only eats as much as she does because she burns more calories than the rest of her sisters, due to lugging around a 50 pound gun and its ammunition. Lusts for Space Marines, and is currently in a relationship with a certain Primaris space marine.

*'''Sister Sarah''' A low ranking member of the Ermine Mantle, she is cursed with being extremely forgettable, to the point that she hadn't received actual orders in years. Dyed her hair the same color as the Canoness to try to get her attention. Was overjoyed when assigned to investigate gene stealers.

*'''Palatine Barbastella''' Local commander of the Black Sepulchre, a sororitas order known for its near suicidal reverence of death and gloomy aesthetic, a detachment of which was assigned to accompany the Ermine Mantle on the Tomis Crusade. Internally monologues in gothic prose, with a sense of humour so dry and morbid that it might as well be nonexistent. Would very much like to die and rest already, but the Emperor has yet to see fit to release her from her duties in life; thus, she continues to put up with the endless shitshow that is life on this planet.

*'''Palatine Sara''' Palatine of the Golden Light, self described avatar of The Emperor's fury. Really likes ancient terran "western" holo vids and powder based weaponry. Can kill exactly twelve heretics at once, before she needs to reload. She has a grudge against Drathor <s>for stabbing her at the wedding</s> '''{{Blam|She's the one who got in the bloody way.}}''' Has a cool hat. 

*'''Sister Nyx''' Likes to go fast in her Black Sepulcher battle hearse. Gets a little exited sometimes

*'''Sister Maria''' Sister of the Order of the Black Sepulcher. Despite belonging to one of the most depressing orders on the planet, she still manages to be friendly and outgoing. After all, if life is but an Illusion, why not enjoy the show? Also enjoys poetry in her spare time. 

*'''Sister 'Missy' Karmistha''' Ordo Famillus of the [[Order of the Ermine Mantle]]. Apparently it pretty hot. Political arm of Ermine Mantle.

*'''Sister Annmarie''' Sister of the Order of the Black Sepulcher. Sarcastic and cynical.

=====Space Marines=====

*'''Primaris Sergeant Jaren Artorius''' A Primaris space marine belonging to the Broken Shields chapter of space marines. His squad dropped into orbit with orders to take down a titan, but ended up getting swallowed by it and popped up in the Warp. After an intense journey with an insane version of Kaldor Draigo, he and his squad managed to escape and make their way back to Cold Shoulder before continuing to assist with planetary defense. It was during this time that he met and started a relationship with a member of the Ermine Mantle chapter of sisters of battle by the name of Olga.

*'''Captain Marek Avalon''' Captain of the Broken Sheilds Chapter on Stercus Ludicrum. Gave Jaren Artorius "The Talk."

*'''Captain Thorn''' Captain of the Imperial Fists Chapter on Stercus Ludicrum. Solid Dude. Lost the chapters gene seed stocks and relics in a bet over Jaren and Olga. 

*'''Brother Jiro''' Wing commander of the elite Xiphon formation Zero Flight of the Solar Hawks chapter. Likes to go fast, but on a jet plane instead of a bike for some reason.

*'''Veteran Sergeant Dalmier'''

*'''Sergeant Romeo Ignatius''' Sergeant and highest Ranking member of the Salamanders Astartes legion remaining on Stercus. He was given a promotion just before being left on the planet by the rest of the Salamanders, which he believes was part of a plan to ditch him. He is either very handsome or very narcissistic, though probably both. despite this, he does his best to stick to the ideologies of his chapter and preserve human life as much as possible during the conflict on the planet.

=====Rogue Trader=====

*'''Rogue Trader Corazon III'''

=====Mechanicus=====

*'''Juris Magos Anthony Cosanostro'''

*'''Vusio aka "Static"'''

*'''Medusa'''

=====The Inquisition=====

*'''Inquisitor Elmas Frud'''


=====Adeptes Arbites=====

*'''Planetary Marchall Lawfist'''' - 
*'''Judge Fredd'''' - Newest guy posted at the block.
 

=====Civilians=====

*'''Oswald "the última luz" Helldreks''' Renowned Blood Bowl player. Unimpressed by the new governess.

*'''Randle Cuthbert''' Taxi driver and recently, sailor

*'''Rick Promethium'''