Editing Chapter Master Smashfucker (section)

==SMASHFUCKER PRIME VERSUS THE PRIMARCHS==
All of these fights are assuming that Smashfucker Prime has his command squad with him making up the points difference, and a single librarian giving him Sanctuary. This normally violates the "Fighting in a Vacuum" principle, but it is done for the sake of fairness given the extreme difference in points cost between Smashfucker Prime, and all of the Primarchs. We are assuming that the Command Squad is also collectively cowering behind a pillar to provide morale/medical support for Smashfucker's fights with literal demigods. 
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Perturabo
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Perturabo strikes at the same time as Smashfucker, dealing 3.333 wounds at S10, which is brought down to 0.0925 wounds by Smashfuckers re-rollable invuln. Prime's 4+ IWND brings that down to 0 Wounds.

Smashfucker Prime swings as well, hitting 2.333 times, and scoring 1.944 wounds. Perturabo's invuln save brings that down to 0.648, which IWND brings it down to 0.315.

Smashfucker wins by a huge margin.
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Angron
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Angron Strikes First, hitting 4.667 times, and wounding 3.889 times. Smashfucker's invuln save brings that down to 0.108, and his Feel No Pain brings it down to 0.018. IWND brings that further down to 0.

Smashfucker Prime swings next, hitting 2.333 times, and scoring 1.944 wounds. Angron's invuln save brings that down to 0.972, which IWND brings it down to 0.639.

Smashfucker Prime wins.
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Horus Lupercal
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Horus Strikes First, hitting 4 times, and inflicting 3.333 wounds on Smashfucker. Smashfucker's re-rollable 2++ brings that down to 0.09, and his Feel No Pain brings that down further to 0.01. IWND brings that further down to 0.

Knowing this, it will be 100 turns before Horus can alter Smashfucker's Statline with the Talon of Horus. Keep this in mind, as Smashfucker needs to kill Horus before his statline gets changed.

Smashfucker then strikes next with 4 attacks, hitting 2.333 times, and wounding 1.944 times. Horus' Invuln save brings that down to 0.648, and IWND brings it down further to 0.315.

Smashfucker wins in 14 turns, long before Talon of Horus ever comes into effect, let's assume Horus is too stupid to use worldbreaker to ignore the feel no pain.
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Rawbutt Girlyman
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Rawbutt uses his Hand of Dominion, because denying Smashfucker his 2+ Feel No Pain is more useful than re-rolling to wound. In this case,  Rowboat hits 3.333 times, and wounds 2.778. Smashfucker's Invuln brings that down to 0.0771, and IWND down to 0.

Smashfucker strikes back, hitting 2.333 times, and wounding 1.944 times. Rowboat's invuln brings that down to 0.972, and IWND down to 0.639.

Smashfucker wins again.
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Corvus Corax
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Corax hits 4 times, and inflicts 3.556 wounds. Smashfucker's Invuln save brings this down to 0.0987, and his FNP brings this down to 0.0164. IWND takes it further to 0.

Smashfucker swings back, hitting 2.33 times, and wounding 1.944 times. Corax's shitty invuln save brings this down to 1.28, and IWND down to 0.947.

Corax gets his shit kicked in so hard, he actually dies in 7 turns. Making him the only primarch that dies to Smashfucker in a standard length game. 
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. [[Ferrus Manus|HIS OWN PRIMARCH]]
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Ferrus Manus strikes 4 times, hitting 2.667 times, and wounding 2.222 times. Smashfucker Prime's Invulnerable save brings this down to 0.061, and IWND down to 0.

Smashfucker swings back, hitting 2.333 times, and wounding 1.556 times. Ferrus's Invuln brings this down to 0.51, and IWND down to 0.178.

Smashfucker wins against his own primarch, proving that he (and his entire command squad and several librarians) is superior to his own father. 
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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Magnus the Red, courtesy of [[Codex - Thousand Sons]]
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We're assuming that Magnus has 10 warp charges worth of powers to activate before the battle starts, and isn't using Paralyze(Because I hate you mezzy). This battle is unlike any of Magnus's brothers' duels, as the Lord of Sorcery bears powers that simply end the fight:

First, we will assume Magnus doesn't use any offensive powers.  Many of these don't allow saves and wound/apply on stat rolls, obviating Prime's defenses.  Killing Prime before the battle with a few salvos of Nether Surge or one Living Bomb is considered unsporting, after all.

Next, we'll assume Magnus doesn't open the battle by using Thief.  This short-ish range power could deprive Smashfucker Prime of his weapons, leaving him literally unable to scratch the Crimson King once he casts Battle Form (which will raise his toughness to 8, or 9 with a sacrifice token).  Facing down the primarch of the Thousand Sons with only your krak grenades (or nothing if Magnus swipes those too) simply will not do.

Finally, we'll require that Magnus doesn't use any warp dice as sacrifice tokens through his Lord of Sorcery rule.  Doing so hands him a number of expanded powers including a rerollable 3++ from Flickering or a pool of 1d6+1 choosable dice from Bend Fate.  We'll call it charity.

Magnus starts the battle by using Flickering, Battle Form, and Bend Fate.  Due to his Power Overload rule Magnus is spending one extra warp charge for each of these powers, as they're all self-targeted blessings.  His stat-line is now a fairly fearsome WS 10, S 8, T 8, W 6, I 10, A 8, 2+/4++/5+++/5++++, rerolling his 4++.  Not having stolen anything fancy he'll be attacking with his force axe (S 10 AP 2 instant death at initiative, as he's a monstrous creature).

Magnus strikes first, hitting 5.333 times, and wounding 4.444 times.  Prime's rerollable 2++ and 2+++ brings this down to .0206 wounds, and IWND will statistically regrow more than that every round.  Magnus will be at a stalemate until Prime's friends suffer perils/get killed/fall asleep.  All of this, however, gets tipped over by Bend Fate, which allows Magnus to choose the results for 1d3 of Smashfucker's rolls on each of Magnus's turns.  A d3 roll of 3 would allow Magnus to push wounds past quite a few of these rerollable 2+ saves, making him the statistical victor within about eight rounds before factoring in the Gorgon's Chain weakening.

Assuming he brought a chainfist and some other specialist weapon (best case scenario), Smashfucker returns by hitting 3 times, and wounding 1.5 times. He could try a lightning claw or some other weapon, but none of his options actually outperform the trusty fists.  Magnus's rerollable 4++ and regular FnP cuts this number down to a comfortable .25 wounds per turn, with IWND bringing that down to .0833. Smashfucker would statistically expect to slay the red giant in a meager seventy-two rounds.  To make matters worse, unlike loyalist librarians Magnus never fails to cast his powers and with six wounds to burn through it will take quite a lot of lucky rolls for Prime to win out.

Ultimately, this is an incredibly hard fight with the psychic factory that will only take place if Magnus is feeling particularly sporting (he has several ways to erase Smashfucker's chances or wipe him off the board).  What were you expecting from 666 points of crimson cyclops?

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SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. The God Emperor of Mankind
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For this fight, we are assuming that the God Emperor has the following Statline: WS10, BS10, S10, T10, W10, A10, I10, LD10, 2+/3++, and is also equipped with The Burning Blade, which does not Get Hot for him, as it's his sword after all! In addition, he has Smash, Eternal Warrior, Fearless, IWND, and Adamantium Will. This is also, of course, assuming The Emperor does not simply erase Smashfucker, his whole retinue and that entire side of the table (table included) with whatever op psychic bullshit Emps would likely be bringing with him. 

The God-Emperor swings first, hitting 6.667 times, and wounding 5.556 times. Smashfucker's Invuln brings this down to 0.154, and IWND down to 0.  SMASHFUCKER PRIME has a net 2.401% chance of going Blind from this, which will reduce his accuracy on further rounds from 50% to 33.33%.

Smashfucker swings back with his Thunder Hammer (his other hand has his unused Lightning Claw), hitting 2.0 times, and wounding 0.333 times. The Emperor's Invuln brings this down to 0.111, and IWND down to 0.  The Emperor has a net 8.943% chance of being Concussed from this, which eliminates his Initiative advantage.  Accounting for the net probability Smashfucker was Blind this turn from a previous turn of combat, he actually inflicts 0.0919 wounds, and the Emperor's chance of being Concussed is 8.874%.

The God Emperor has a slight wounding advantage but both will remain tied until Smashfucker's Psyker buddies end up getting perils of the warp.
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All in all, the Primarchs cannot hurt Smashfucker, though the amount of time it'll take for him to kill them is more than enough for his Librarians to suffer Perils, in which case he loses his 2+ Invuln, and if you're using them for Endurance, you'll also suffer perils and lose the 2+ FnP before the fight ends.  These also aren't exactly fair fights since Smashfucker's friends bring his points to well above them, and if they had friends, for example even one apothecary, the match would be an infinite stalemate.