Editing The Elder Scrolls

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[[File:Elder_Scrolls_Cosmology.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The cosmology of the Elder Scrolls.]]
'''The Elder Scrolls''' is a [[video game]] series, and the setting of five main games and a number of spinoffs. Despite being a vidja, it is considered a type II game (indirectly related to traditional games, the first game was in fact based off one of the developer's homebrew settings), and [[/tg/]] is very [[gay]] for this series and setting.

These games have a very extensive modding scene, alas, two quarters of it is sickening porn. 

==Setting==
[[File:Crabomancy.jpg|200px|thumb|left|During the Oblivion Crisis, the Dunmer of House Redoran raised up the shell of the Great Skar to fight on their side, as a Giant Friendly Crab. This series is hardcore like that.]]
The games mainly take place in Tamriel, a continent consisting of nine seperate lands. After being [[Anal_Circumference|buttfucked]] by the [[Eldar|Ayleid]] for several centuries, Humanity rises up and overthrow their elven overlords, and took control themselves. After mucking about for another eight or so centuries, a man named [[Leman Russ|Tiber Septiem]]/[[Manly Marines|Hjalti Early-Beard]] steps up and leads his armies to [[Great_Crusade|conquer all of Tamriel to found the Third Empire]]. But instead of exterminating all the elves and beast races, they were allowed to co-exist with the other races and a time of prosperity began. Until Emperor [[Star_Trek|Jean-Luc Picard]] died, and [[Tzeentch|Mehrunes Dagon]] began to fuck his way from [[Warp|Oblivion]] into Tamriel, starting a chain of events that resulted in him being kicked back into hell by the Emperor's lost son, Sean Bean. He died in the process, and without an Emperor the Empire began to crumble. The Aldmeri Dominion (think Ayleid 2.0) sensed their weakness and began a war to subjugate the lesser races. The Empire only barely managed to stop them, and a tense cease-fire is currently in effect.

===CHIM===
That muffled explosion you just heard was caused by a number of people exploding out of sheer [[rage]]. Sit tight, because this shit is meta wrapped in an enigma inside a mindfuck.

In Morrowind you can find a series of books titled the 36 Sermons of Vivec. If you pick them up and read them at face value they might appear as parts of a religious text, filled with metaphors, truths twisted throughout the ages, and copious amounts of [[Anal_Circumference|buttfucking]]. In these books you will find several references to CHIM, The Tower, and The Ruling King. Now, early on in the books Vivec is shown as the teacher of Lord Indoril Nerevar (more on him below), yet Nerevar does not understand the lessons. Because he was not the intended student. Instead, these lessons were meant for you. Not for your player character, but ''you'', the player. For if one attains CHIM, one's physical form becomes a mere avatar of the self.

But now you may wonder, what the Charles fucking Dickens *is* CHIM?

Imagine if you will, a great wheel with eight spokes. The wheel is everything that exists: Aubris. The hub is Nirn, the world that the series takes place on. The spokes are the Aedra, the Eight Divines. The space between the spokes is Oblivion, where the Daedra reside. Mundus encompasses both Nirn, its moons and the realms of the Aedra. Now, if you were to turn the wheel 90 degrees, you'd be looking at the rim of the wheel so it resembles I. This is the Tower, the Secret of Aubris, holder of the secret. CHIM. The wheel is the entire universe. Outside there exist only two: Anu and Padhome, stasis and change. Think a great void filled with only two bubbles: there where these bubbles touch exists the wheel. Now, the Tower is not something physical, but an ideal. Something that can be attained, conquered, stolen. For one to reside within the tower, is to know the truth of all that is.

This truth is that everything is a dream. The supreme power in TES is the Godhead, the unknown creator of all. Everything, Aurbis, Anu, and Padomay; all created in the dreams of the Godhead. Attaining CHIM is to know this, the relentless alien terror that is God and your place in it. Everything you know, are and do is but a dream. Now, if you discover this either of two things can happen. The most common one is to realise you do and don't exist at the same time: you lose your individuality (you zero-sum) and become one with the dreamer, the Godhead, and you disappear in the proverbial puff of logic. The second option is the rare one: to realise that you are part of the Godhead, you *are* the Godhead. If everything is an extention of the same thing, and that the thing can reshape reality with a thought, being a dreamer within the dream.

Obtaining CHIM means that, very simply put, you have access to the Construction Set that can be used to mod the games, being able to recreate the realm as you see fit. The few that have CHIM don't use this ability, because they know it's pointless since they are everything at all points in forever. It is having limitless power, without the desire to us it. If you know who Doctor Manhattan is, you'll know what someone with CHIM is like.

Oh, and if the Godhead wakes up, everything zero-sums and ceases to be. [[Grimdark|Sleep tight.]]

==Races==
[[File:Tamriel.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tamriel, shown alongside the now sunken islands of Yokuda, the original home of the Redguards, and Pyandonea, a land inhabited by the Maormer, sea-elves.]]

Aside from the first game, there are ten playable races in the Elder Scrolls games.

*Somewhere in between generic west-Europeans and Romans, Imperials are a civilised people, yet very adapt at warfare. Many hold high positions in the bureaucracy and politics of the Empire, and form a solid core of the Imperial Legions. The original lore described the Imperial Province of Cyrodiil as being tropical, [[Skub|this was watered down in Oblivion]] [[Points_of_Light|to a more generic and acceptable setting for the masses]]. Unsurprisingly, they're the Romans of the setting. 

* The First Men of the setting. The Nords are basically non-furry [[Space Wolves]], which basically means an entire race of bloodthirsty Vikings. They're notable as the fiercest warriors in the setting. The Nords are in fact the descendants of the Nedic peoples who followed the heroic Ysgramor to the continent of Tamriel after their homeland of Atmora became embroiled in a massive [[Horus Heresy|civil war]]. They then built themselves in the area which would later be known as Skyrim. After the native Elves (who're called Falmer, or Snow Elves) decided to get uppity and tried to genocide the Nedes, Ysgramor basically got 500 of his friends together and exterminated the Elves of Skyrim with such fervour and glory that it brings even the [[Black Templars|most]] [[Space Wolves|grizzled]] [[Angry Marines|warriors]] of the [[Imperial Guard|Imperium]] weep tears of manly respect. They're basically the principle [[Khorne|Proud Warrior Race]] of the setting. And would do well in worship of Khorne if they ever got tired of the Divines. In fact, they're pretty much [[Warriors of Chaos]] who haven't turned to the Dark Gods yet, but they will. Oh they will. 

*Bretons can be described best as [[Half-Elf|half-elves]] from [[Bretonnia]]. Though the inferior elf characteristics have been bred out of race, their thin elven blood makes them adapt sorcerers. Their home province of High Rock is one of many quarreling factions, and court intrigue is a way of life. They're a mix of French and Celts. 

*The Redguard of Hammerfell are skilled warriors, though their individual independence makes them better suited as skirmishers and scouts instead of regular soldiers. They are skilled seafarers, physically more imposing than Imperials, [[Awesome|and managed to fight the Aldmeri Dominion to a standstill, something tha the entire Empire managed only at the last second]]. The Redguard are the Moors to the Nord's Vikings. 

*The Bosmer seem as run of the mill Elves at first glance. Then you realise the Bosmer living in Valenwood strictly abide by the Green Pact: a code of conduit that enforces a carnivorous and cannibalistic diet, and forbids the use of vegetable matter as construction material. Resources based off animals (including humanoids!) and materials imported from outside Valenwood are an excempt from this, though.

*Altmer are more like traditional [[High Elves]]: haughty, long-lived, dismissive of the "lesser" races, and skilled mages. This, combined with that their home of Summerset Isle is the birthplace of the Aldmeri Dominion, might suggest that they are all snobbish assholes. A small number though rejects this life and lives amongst the other peoples of the Empire.

*Schisms in the Summerset Isles eventually led his followers, the Chimer, to the promised lands of Morrowind. Here they encountered the Dwemer, a race of progressive elf-kind, against whom they eventually went to war. Their eventual success and the ascention of three of their number to godhood, they were cursed by the Daedric Prince Azura, giving their skin a blue-greyish tint and bloodred eyes. By the fans, the re-chistened Dunmer are often compared to the Jews, mainly because they are disliked by the other people and are forced to live together in a borderline ghetto in Skyrim. (Does that mean that Veloth is Moses? If it does, then doom on you all.)

*The Orismer, also known as [[Orcs]], are considered to be a race of Elves ([[The_Lord_of_the_Rings|which does not seem that outlandish to longtime fantasy fans]]). They are fearsome warriors who hold a place of honor in the Imperial Legion. They often had a kingdom called Orsinium, but that had a tendency to be burned to the ground by the races of man. By the point of Skyrim, they're basically living in walled off communities in the wilderness called 'Strongholds'. They're also good at blacksmithing.

*Argonians are a race of lizard people, well-spoken and skilled as both warriors and mages. Some see them as emotionless due to their limited ability to form facial expressions, yet they are a friendly and intelligent people, but they WILL fuck you up if you mess with them. Just as the Daedra when they invaded Blackmarsh.

*Khajiit vary from the other sentients more than any other race: their skeletal structure and dermal makeup make them appear as giant cats. Call them [[furries]] though, and they will end you on the spot. They are skilled desert raiders, merchants and farmers. Their prime export is Moon Sugar, a substance that can be described best as [[Doomrider|magical cocaine]]. 

*Another race of note are the Dwemer, who are basically human sized robot-building steampunk [[Dwarves]]. They have gone extinct sadly, because they were mucking about with a heart that once belonged to a god, and they accidentally erased themselves from existence when they tried to [[Warforged|build their own god, in a cave,]] [[Meme|with a mountain of scraps]]. This information, combined with the fact they were based off ancient Mesopotamia, hints at they might very well be <s>benevolent</s> (lolno, see what they did to the Snow Elves) [[Chaos Dwarves]].

*If you're wondering about the Snow Elves, after the monumental ass kicking they received from Ysgramor, the sparse remains of their people fled to live with the Dwemer. Who turned them into feral cave-dwelling monstrosities (and used their souls to fuel aboved mention robots) that are basically like the Wendol from Eaters of the Dead. Then they occupied the extinted Dwemers' fortresses.

==Games==
Though several spinoffs were made, when refering to "The Elder Scrolls" only the five central games are being referred to.

===The Elder Scrolls I: Arena===
Jagar Tharn, the Imperial Battlemage and trusted servant of the Emperor Uriel Septim VII turns evil, locks the Emperor inside Oblivion, and takes over Tamriel. His apprentice Ria Silmane discovered this and told the player, so Tharn killed the former and imprisoned the latter. Yet Silmane persisted, and helped the player escape prison and revealed how Tharn could be destroyed: by recovering the eight parts of the Staff of Chaos from all over the empire. The player succeeds, kills Tharn, returns the Emperor and all is well. This was the only game to take place in all of Tamriel.

===The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall===
The player, a personal friend of the Emperor, is sent to the city of Daggerfall, High Rock to investigate a haunting by the ghost of the former king. Things quickly get out of hand when you discover the Numidium, a massive golem used by Tiber Septim to gain control over Tamriel. There are several mutually exclusive endings possible; canon opted to [[what|make them all happen]] in an event called the Dragon Break, where [[FATAL|time and space took it up the ass hard]].

This game is infamous for a number of reasons. First, it's the biggest game in the history of forever: though a good bit of it is empty space, this game features a map that's twice the size of Great Britain. As in, all of it. Secondly it has more [[Tyranids|bugs than Macragge during 745.M41]] and is about as stable as a [[Card_Game|card house]] during [[Exterminatus]]. Third, dungeons are randomly generated, meaning you have [[Meme|ruins, ruins EVERYWHERE]]. Finally, the bizarre instructions. Early on in the game you get a letter from a person who wants to meet you in, say, Westfield Inn, Daggerfall. When you go to Daggerfall though, no Westfield Inn. Then you realise you have to look for the VILLAGE called Westfield Inn.

Oh, and there's a song that sounds like [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ97I2p4_YY The Animals' House of the Rising Sun.]

===The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind===
[[File:Morrowind.jpg|300px|thumb|right|If you can explain at least 75% of what's going on on this image, you are a true fan.]]
Widely regarded to be one of the best vidjas OF ALL TIME. Taking everything good about the first two games, perfects it, [[Rule_34|raises its ass high and beckons you to make sweet, sweet love to it]]. Morrowind ships the player to the island of Vvardenfell, in the Dunmer province of Morrwind, where you are to report to the [[Snowflame|perpetually shirtless crackhead]] called Caius Cossades to investigate a [[Cultist-Chan|cult]] that is growing rapidly in size. This cult is revealed to be the doings of the Sixth House, a clan of Dunmer that was destroyed after its leader, Lord Voryn Dagoth, rebelled against Lord Indoril Nerevar, the leader of the war against the Dwemer. Nerevar died shortly afterwards (though it is unclear if he died from the wounds Dagoth inflicted on him, or that his advisors, the Tribunal, killed their lord so they could use the tools of the Dwemer to grant themselves near-divinity), and the Tribunal took over as the god-kings of the Dunmer.

Yet Dagoth did not die, and when the Tribunal returned to the site of Dagoth's defeat, the chamber the Dwemer had found the Heart of Lorkhan (the heart of a fallen god which grants them their power), Dagoth and his servants were waiting for them. Taking away two of the three tools needed to renew their powers, the Tribunal retreated and built a great barrier (the Ghostfence) to contain Dagoth and his followers. The Ghostfence drains much of the Tribunal's power, making them unable to strike at Dagoth directly. Taking the moniker of Dagoth Ur, he began to reshape his followers into monstrosities, his highest ranking followers being made akin to [[Illithid]], and corrupting the regular Dunmer through their dreams. He also unleashes the Corprus, a horrific disease that turns you into something [[Nurgle]] would approve of.

That's where you come in. A decade after the completion of the Ghostfence, on decree of the Emperor an unnamed prisoner is shipped to the island of Vvardenfell. Your co-prisoner, aside from being a total bro, one day becomes a saint by exterminating all Cliff Racers (see below). You quickly discover that you may be the Nerevarine, the reincarnation of Lord Indoril Nerevar, who killed Dagoth Ur many centuries earlier. You also catch Corprus along the way, but are cured with the side effect of making you immune to disease and basically immortal. But it takes more than that to rise up against House Dagoth: you will need to be named Nerevarine by four tribes of Ashlanders ([[Raven_Guard|native]] Dunmer who practice a nomadic life), and Hortator (war leader) by three of the Great Houses. This involves a LOT of running around and talking to people, especially with the Ashlanders and Great House Telvanni. When you have their support you are summoned by Vivec, the leader of the Tribunal, who gives you a Dwemer-made gauntlet that allows you to handle the other artifacts, Sunder and Keening, without them [[Grimdark|killing you on the spot]]. At that point you assault the citadels of the Sixth Houes, taking down Dagoth's most powerful followers, the Ash Vampires (think 7' grey-skinned completely ripped Chaos Dwarfs), and eventually Dagoth Ur himself, by way of destroying the heart of Lorkhan with the recovered Sunder and Keening. House Dagoth is once again destroyed, you walk into a clear sky, and are given a magical ring by Azura for your trouble.

What made this game an instant classic was its new and unconventional story and setting, it's many factions, beautiful enviorment design (giant mushroom towers ftw), its empathis on your stats instead of your player skills (combat is more like a pen and paper RPG: there is being rolled to see if you hit your enemy, and for how much damage, which severely gimps your effectiveness with warhammers if you're untrained in them, but you're very good with longswords), the metric fuckton of items you can find (there are dozens upon dozens of unique weapons, pieces of armor and magic jewelry to find, there's something for everyone), the desolate beauty of the world, the unusual creatures, taxi services provided by massive ticks, and the smug end boss.

Two expansions were made: Tribunal, where you traveled to Morrowind's capital city of Mournhold after being attacked by an [[assassin]], featuring a large city with its wide underground ruins, the wider Dwemer ruins under them, ''and the even wider Daedric ruins under them''. In Bloodmoon you travel to the frozen wastes of Solsteim, where you got to play Skyrim 9 years before Skyrim came out.

===The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion===
Emperor Uriel Septim VII and his heirs are assassinated, and it's up to the player who was unintentionally released from prison to fix that shit by finding the Emperor's last son. It was the first big-name RPG to appear on this generation's consoles, and made the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 work for their money.

Two expansions were made: Knights of the Nine was a Heroic Fantasy story that pitted the hero against an evil [[wizard]], and Shivering Isles has the player recruited by Sheogorath, the Prince of Madness, to prevent the destruction of his realm.

[[Skub|Players felt that this game was being dumbed down for the console kiddies when compared to Morrowind, whereas the Oblivion fans claimed that Morrowind was a difficult mess of a game, unplayable due to its learning curve.]] It was kind of like the [[3e]] VS [[4e]] debate, except both games were actually cool. And both groups were right.

Has received criticism over the fact that your character is largely insignificant in the story line.

===The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim===
Also known as the Volsunga Saga: The Game.

You're a prisoner, but in a shocking turn of events, this time you're actually told WHY! Turns out you crossed the damn border illegally, you filthy alien (of course, if you are a Nord it's just chalked up to bullshit bureaucracy). And you're to be executed along with the a group of captured rebels called Stormcloaks, along with their Horus rip-off leader known as Ulfric Stormcloak (who is voiced by Vladimir Kullich). Before you're sent to Sovngarde (Guess what that is. Go on.), a giant dragon god named Alduin the [[World Eaters|World Eater]] decides to introduce himself to the world. [[Derp|Alduin being Akatosh's firstborn son while also being his aspect and also being him... it's a bit complicated like that.]]

Anyway, you escape and after much badass manly Viking dragonslaying, you figure out that you're the translated foreign word, much like in Morrowind. This week, you're the Dovahkiin, [[Dragonborn|DRAGONBORN]]! With the power of the THU'UM! The ability to project your vital essence into a magic shout in the Dragon tongue! So yes, fighting a dragon is basically one big fucking debate. The only way this could be more awesome is if you can beat dragons in drinking fights.

Oh yes, and you can be a man and join up with the rebel Stormcloaks (as any true Nord would do), or join the Imperial Legion and hold on to what remains of the empire. The Empire used to be [[STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM|cool]], but now it's run by some nasally old man and his manfaced bitch second-in-command. Though the actual Emperor is still pretty cool, and has the same hammy voice of the Guards of Oblivion. YES!!. You can also join up with the less generic fighter's group in this game called the Companions, and thus gain one of the best [[Khorne|battleaxes]] in the game; [[Awesome|Wuuthrad]]. Which is an elf-killing battleaxe wielded by the father of of the Nordic people. There are also the other guilds such as the College of Winterhold (Mages guild), the Thieves Guild (speaks for itself), and the Dark Brotherhood (assassins guild).

Lauded as being both awesome and saving the series, Skyrim is one of the biggest grossing games of all time, and despite its radical redesign from the previous games (no more attributes, the including of feats, no spellcrafting) it is considered to be up there with Morrowind as possibly the best game in the series, depending on who you ask. On release it was (and still is) a bugged up mess of a game, but it works, and the Dovahkiin and the Soundtrack are 2x Awesome!

==Memes==
[[File:Lusty_Agronian.png|250px|thumb|right|The reactions of players everywhere to the sequel of The Lusty Argonian Maid.]]
Like [[Dawn of War]], The Elder Scrolls have spawned a considerable amount of memes.
*HALT HALT HALT HALT. The guards from Daggerfall shout this when you're running from them: it should have been a single HALT, but due to bugs it keeps being looped.
*N'WAH! Shouted by Dunmer in Morrwind onwards. Since you fight a lot of Dunmer in Morrowind, you hear this one a lot.
*[[STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM]] is Oblivion's most popular meme, and has its own page.
*If you become the champion of the arena in Oblivion, you can be followed around by the Adoring Fan: a Bosmer with an ugly as fuck haircut. He is often taken to Dive Rock, a location with one of the game's deepest drops, and kicked off.
*Cliff Racers are one of THE most infamous enemies in gaming. They're fling reptile things that move faster than you do (without exploits), descend upon you making a godawful sound, and wail on you until you kill them. Jiub, the guy who wakes you up at the beginning of Morrowind, became a Saint of the Tribunal Temple after killing them all.
*Mudcrabs are somewhat of a meme on their own, but in Oblivion they are a frequent subject of discussions between people having seen and avoiding them.
*The Lusty Argonian Maid is a play written by Crassius Curio, a noble of Great House Hlaalu. He is famous for his rather... forwardness with the player (he'll only sponsor you in House Hlaalu if you strip down for him, and will support the Hortator only after a kiss). He is the author of The Lusty Argonian Maid, an infamous work involving an [[Dragonborn|Argonian]] [[Maid_RPG|maid]] [[Slaanesh|polishing]] the "[[Brundlepenis|spear]]" of her (self-insert)master. There's a sequel in Skyrim involving a "[[Brundlepenis|loaf]]" "[[Squad_broken|sating]]" the "[[Love_Bloomed_In_Her_Mouth|appertite]]" of the maid's "[[Daemonette|mistress]]". The latest Skyrim dlc adds in a book in the same style called "The Sultry Argonian Bard" about a "private performance" of the title characters "delicate instrument".
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq9TnI7ssTU Wonderful! Time for a celebration! Cheese... FOR EVERYONE!] Shouted by Sheogorath during the Shivering Isles main quest.
*FUS RO DAH! is one of the first Dragon Shouts you learn in Skyrim, and is highly effective against pretty much anything, especially if it's got a cliff behind it.
*"But then I took an arrow to the knee." is a terminally unfunny meme that is sometimes said by the guards you meet in Skyrim. It has been butchered into pretty much anything. I was going to give examples, but then I took an arrow to the knee. Yes, it's just that bad.
*Have you seen those warriors from Hammerfell? They've got curved swords. Curved. Swords. Currrrrved. Sworrrrrrds. Guards from across Skyrim will repeatedly inform you about these currrrrved sworrrrrrds as if it's some kind of hypnotic suggestion.
[[Category:Video Games]]